The most successful family unions cease to exist only after the husband or wife dies. And the question arises: what to do then – to remain single or look for a new partner? Of course, everyone finds the answer to themselves, taking into account the wishes of the deceased spouse. For example, there are cases when a wife, being on her deathbed, says to her beloved man, “Find a new spouse, but I want her to love our child.”
In general, widowed men often try to build new happy relationships. It happens that widowers seek soulmates for years. And sometimes they quickly find them, for example, they meet single women online. But still, how to start dating after widowhood?
Why Is It So Difficult to Start a New Relationship After Being Widowed?
After the loved one dies, it is necessary to move forward and live on despite the pain and horror of the loss. The emotional presence of the deceased remains, and it is necessary to build a new widower relationship with this factor in mind. People live as if the deceased is present. This image is often as if fantasized. This property of the psyche arises in childhood and makes it possible to endure loneliness. The presence of such a pre-imagined image of the deceased appears due to separation.
There are many widower relationship issues. It is very difficult to let go of someone really close and dear. Sadness may return with memorable events. People remember every detail of their relationships: the first date, pleasant moments, their search on how to cancel a date at the beginning of a relationship, and so on. When a year or two passes, and the person doesn’t experience acute pain from the memories, there are no obsessive thoughts about the loss, then we can talk about relative stabilization. There is no longer that acuity of sensations, although mentally a man can remember about the past relationship until the end of his life.
Also, some people think that they will not be able to find a worthy partner or someone who can be better than the deceased. That’s why they can’t build a new relationship.
How to Put Up With the Loss
Regardless of the difference in the situation, widowers are in shock, they feel the loss and collapse of the entire system of existence. And they don’t understand at all: how can they live after the death of their loved ones? How to deal with the loss? When should a widower start dating again?
Take care of yourself
What is the main widows dating again tip? Well, it is hard to endure it, so give free rein to feelings. No need to be ashamed of tears and grief. Any tragedy needs to be lived out; emotions that have accumulated in the soul should be thrown out. Complete all stages of recovery as your heart requires it. Don’t reject the support of loved ones: cry, speak out, and share your grief. Relatives and friends will understand and help make the recovery process calmer.
Fill life with positive things
Rejoice at the little things. Remember, your wife would like to see you happy, she loved you, so it would be bitter for her to see you grieve for a long time. Contact specialists if you understand that you can’t cope with the feeling of loss on your own, and depression is aggravated, don’t hesitate to ask for psychological help. Remember that you are not the only one, everything that happens to you has already happened to many people, and they have dealt with it! Many widowers started dating again!
Alcohol and other substances are not a panacea
It is not a solution to the problem but another trouble in your life. Trying to drown grief in alcohol, you can find an additional problem – alcoholism. Alcohol is a powerful depressant that negatively affects the central nervous system. It is much more difficult for people who cope with stress while drinking alcohol. They stay depressed longer and often make destructive decisions.
Remove the ring or continue to wear?
Rings are the main symbol of fidelity, devotion, and boundless love. Some widowers wear an engagement ring even after the death of their wives, thus showing that they still love and remember the deceased spouse and honor their memory.
With the death of one of the spouses, the relationship between them automatically ceases to exist, the widow or widower doesn’t bear any obligations to the deceased and is free to remarry as many times as necessary: in most countries, this right is enshrined in law. However, after the death of their spouse, some people leave a wedding ring on their fingers, being faithful to the deceased. They do this solely for personal reasons: they wear jewelry as a reminder of a happy marriage or as a sign of eternal love and devotion to the beloved. In some cases, widows and widowers who wear a wedding ring on their fingers show that they are not going to marry again.
So, it is up to you. You can wear a ring if you want, but if you are going to have the first relationship after being widowed with someone else, the ring may push them away.
How to Start the First Relationship After Being Widowed
Some men are in great trouble – their spouses die. But life doesn’t end there. A sense of despair may not pass a few months, but this is not forever, you need to think about the future. How can I start a relationship after the death of a spouse?
Love yourself
It may sound corny, but the first thing is to love yourself. Until you learn to love yourself, there is no question of a healthy relationship. Listen to your desires that you have been suppressing for so long. It will be difficult at first. Think about what bothers you and what you would like to change in life. Listen and pamper yourself, praise your positive qualities and develop them. When you increase confidence and self-esteem, others will also see your dignity.
Set reasonable expectations
You don’t need to go on a date and immediately assume that you are getting married to this person. At the same time, you can consider this as an experience, to learn more about yourself and the new life that you create. Your first relationship after being widowed may be short-lived, but still, you try. We consider a mistake that many people think that there will be no problems in a new relationship.
Ask yourself if you are ready for a new relationship
When should a widow start dating? If you constantly ask yourself why your spouse died, feel pain, anger or loneliness, maybe you should wait and “recover” before you go on a date. When you realize that you are ready for a new relationship and want to feel again all the emotions associated with it, then this is a good sign. This means that you are ready for a new relationship and can start dating after being widowed.
Tips to Start the First Relationship After Being Widowed
You lost your soulmate, and it seems that the time has come to enter into a new relationship, but for some reason, you don’t know where to start. How to do it? Consider our widower dating advice.
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Do not rush
Understand that before you begin to experience normal feelings, it will take a long time. The grief just doesn’t disappear, and the wound itself doesn’t heal. Be patient with yourself when you go through the whole process of sorrow. Sorrow is a thing that lasts until you accept all the issues related to the death of a loved one, yourself, your relationship (good, bad) to bring peace and understanding.
Don’t be too persistent
It is one of the most important rules of dating for widowers. Attempts to get married as soon as possible can scare anyone. Moreover, this is simply unpleasant when a person in a relationship immediately shows a possessive stance and unhealthy obsession. Don’t forget about respect, patience, in a word, don’t be too persistent.
Try to be honest
It is necessary to understand that the woman with whom you plan to connect your future can’t be your constant “handkerchief.” Yes, you can share your grief with her. But explain to the lady that she is also important to you. She deserves respect and understanding. You just have to be honest and tell everything that you feel to her and your new relationship.
Do not use the person just as a cure for pain
According to reviews, this is the best way to get out of depression. But psychotherapists don’t recommend starting such a relationship because of the negative consequences. To go through all stages of experiences and start a new relationship, it is enough from three months to a year for a mentally healthy person. But it shouldn’t be a cure.
Put your mind and body in shape
A healthy body and mind are the foundation of high self-esteem and well-being. Start playing sports and spend more time on things you like, for example, you may read books on dating after widowhood. When you begin to love yourself and your body, you will have a sense of life. Starting a new relationship will not be so difficult for you. Being in this state, you will again have the desire to make new acquaintances.
It is not easy to build relationships after losing a loved one. But remember that there are so many similar life stories with a happy ending in the world. Just follow our widow dating again tips, and you will surely succeed!