You've probably noticed some of them in your friends when they discuss their romantic relationships. Most likely, you've noticed it in yourself as well. Whenever your best friend is picking the new partner, you notice that they are making the same mistakes. It can be a mistake with choosing the same type of partner or the way that they act with them.
Most likely, you've noticed that you are also often falling for the same type of people or making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. Let's say, that you always say that it was the last time that you used that site to meet a girl, but in the end, you find yourself browsing through it, despite knowing that none of your encounters there ended in something lasting. So, what is that? Seems like you are following a certain pattern.
And why is that? Well, continue reading to learn more.
What Are Behavior Patterns?
If you google "behavior pattern," you might get confused, as the first thing that you will come across is going to be software engineering. But we are talking about a different thing here. A behavior pattern is when you are repeating the same actions getting into the same situation. If you decide to dig into a dictionary, you may find out that behavior pattern is a recurring way of acting of an individual or a group to a given object in a given situation.
In terms of dating, you are an individual, your partner is a given object, and your relationship is a given situation. And thanks to that behavior pattern, you continue to repeat the same things in your dating life over and over again, be it judging single women by photo or picking the same type of partner every time, even knowing that your dating life will unlikely benefit from it.
Why Do We Repeat Patterns?
So, why do we repeat patterns? Why do you pick certain types of people in a relationship? Maybe you just didn't find the answer to the question, "What personality type should I date?" but things are simpler and more complex than that. So, let's figure out why we keep repeating the patterns.
It Has Been Programmed in Us Since Childhood
It's the first and quite polarizing point. Polarizing, as some of us prefer blaming everything on being programmed a certain way, while others think that it is impossible to be programmed. But you can be. If you grew in a dysfunctional family, without ever analyzing it, most likely you are bound to repeat the same patterns that you've learned from your family. Even if you have seen other examples of relationships, you are still going to repeat the closest and the more familiar to you – the one of your family.
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We Are Comfortable Living With Those Patterns
Another thing why we are following certain types of dating is that we've got used to the patterns we follow. We feel more comfortable when those patterns exist in our life. We think of them as an inseparable part of our life. We fear that we will cease to be ourselves if we stop following those patterns. In the end, we continue following the same path, without realizing that's that precious part of us is the reason why our relationships fail.
We Rely on Feelings and Not on the Brain
And that's the most common and widespread reason for repeating behavior patterns over and over again. We rely on our feeling far more than we rely on the brain. The brain helps us break the circle when we analyze our actions. But when we rely solely on our emotions, we don't keep our head cool, and we make the same mistakes over and over again.
Is It Possible to Change Patterns of Behavior in Relationships?
We've touched upon the way how we can break the circle of following the same behavior patterns by relying more on our brain than on our feelings. Now, let's have a more detailed look at how we can change our behavioral patterns.
1. Reflect on Your Patterns
Think of your behavior patterns and try to figure out their origins. You should do that if you don't want all of your future relationships to fail. Ask yourself, "What type of person am I in a relationship?" most likely, you are the reason that you are experiencing not the best dating experience.
2. Heal Your Traumas
If you really reflected on your patterns, most likely, you've found some of your underlying traumas that, most likely but not exclusively, originated from your childhood or your teens. Now it's time to heal your wounds.
3. Be Kinder to Yourself
When you say that you are just that dating personality type, you are kinda discriminating yourself. You need to be kinder to yourself to allow yourself to change your dating patterns. In previous points, you may need the help of a shrink, but being kinder to yourself is something that you can easily do on your own.
Main Relationship Personality Types
Throughout the article, we were talking about relationship personality types. Thanks to the behavioral patterns, you can easily divide people into different personalities in relationships. Thus, different types of dating are defined by your dating personality type. Want to find your personality type? Want to find the answer to the question, "What personality type am I compatible with"? So, let's figure out types of people in relationships without any further ado.
The Charmer
This is, so to say, the most wanted among the relationship personality types. Everybody wants to be a charmer, as this type easily attracts everyone around thanks to their intelligence and magnetism. Charmers love to thrill and seduce, but their relationships rarely go beyond that, mainly as they think that monogamy is something unrealistic, if not unnatural. Thus, their romantic life consists of a string of short-lived relationships. Charmers are seeking for the novelty of the relationships. It doesn't mean that it's impossible for a charmer to have a long-lasting relationship, but commitment occurs rarely with this dating personality type.
The Martyr
A martyr is a type, which, most likely, had a traumatic childhood. They are inclined to fall into an abusive relationship. They rarely choose their partners, as they mostly date those who have chosen them. They may agree to date someone, simply because they were asked by that person, even if they have no interest in them. This happens because they are afraid to hurt the feeling of another person. They easily commit, but as a result, those relationships are mostly shallow. If the partner mistreats or even abuses them, martyrs are into finding excuses, rather than leaving a relationship, because they are afraid to be alone..jpg "dating personality type")
The Dreamer
There are different types of dating relationships, some of them can get pretty creepy. Remember that classmate who began to stalk you all of a sudden? Remember the spoiled friendship, when your friend all of sudden proclaimed their love for you and refused the fact that you viewed them only as a friend? Well, they belong to the dreamer type. This type easily gets fixated on their crush, believing their obsession to be love at first sight. It's extremely hard for them to leave their ex alone after breaking up. And they won't date anyone unless the person corresponds to their ideal, which exists only in their imagination.
The Nurturer/Protector
If you've ever lived with overprotective parents, you wouldn't want to date this type. It is an overprotective partner, which is constantly trying to "rescue" and "help" you, even if you've never asked for it in the first place. While in certain situation they can be extremely helpful, their prospective partners can't get rid of the feeling that something is not right about that help. And they are right. You can get ready for angry messages if you refuse to date them, after all the help you've received. They simply believe that you really need help, without questioning what's going on in reality.
The Avoider
You know those half-assed daters, who rarely make any efforts? Like, they start chatting with you and then the communication just ceases to exist? Is it about partners who don't make enough effort? Well, that's your typical representative of the avoider personality. Well, here we can be a bit straightforward with the explanation, avoiders avoid. But let's figure out, why they do that? Well, the point is that avoiders believe that a relationship should unfold naturally. Thus, when they see that it takes some effort for the relationship to develop, they run off, as they jump to the conclusion that it's just not worth their time.
What to Do With Patterns?
After figuring out your personality type and relationships that you get thanks to them, you can figure out the patterns that you are following. Not that we are suggesting you solve the issue if you think that you are absolutely okay with your personality type, and it in no way stands in a way of your healthy relationship. However, if you notice that your behavioral patterns spoil your romantic life, we offer you following the advice we've provided you within the article.