Breaking relationships is one of the most common problems of people right now. For personal freedom and freedom of choice, won after the Victorian era, when it was impossible to get divorced, we pay quite a burden of negative emotions. The trouble seems to creep up gradually, imperceptibly, slowly, after exploding and poisoning everything around with a poisonous cloud. Each of us is familiar with such stories. It was experienced either by our parents, relatives, friends, or ourselves. Someone was able to survive and be reborn from the ashes, and someone else could not cope with the pain of a breakup, and it damaged them, scaring their life forever. Today we will talk about reason relationships fail, find out why relationships fail nowadays, when relationships fail, and the most important tips that will help you avoid relationship fails in the future.
Are Both Partners to Blame If a Relationship Fails?
The question is certainly complex and often ambiguous, but it seems to me that there is one algorithm that can be used to assess the correctness of the action of one of the parties in the relationship. It is quite simple, it is necessary to imagine that the relationship ended, and the couple broke up, and then evaluate which of the two would be good and easy, and who, on the contrary, would be bad.
For me, the right person will be whoever feels good if the relationship ends. The explanations are actually quite simple. The one who is good after the breakup did not receive the necessary from the existing relationship. That is, they did not lose anything valuable, so it becomes easy for them. Agree, if there’s something valuable for a person in a relationship, they will not want to leave this relationship. Well, and the partner that will be worse off when a relationship falls apart, has lost something valuable that they were getting from this relationship.
The main idea is that if one of the two does not hold on to a relationship, then they don’t get something important from it, and the partner should know and understand what they do not give to their loved one and try to fill that gap.
If you feel like your partner doesn’t satisfy your needs and doesn’t want to accept any responsibility for the sad state of your relationships, you should end this relationship and start meeting women seeking men online, as there are plenty of dating services to be found on the Internet. Finding a nice younger women dating service is very easy, so don’t waste your time on a relationship that has no future and establish a new one.
Let’s move on and analyze the top reasons relationships fail.
4 Reasons Relationships Fail When One Person Is Responsible
Here are some of the reasons why relationships fail in which one of the partners is to blame for the cracks in a relationship.
1. Pace and direction of development
Why do most relationships fail? Due to a lack of common directions and goals in a relationship. Personality is a developing system, and it is constantly in motion. It is pleasant and useful to develop hand in hand in one or a similar direction, support, inspire, and help each other along this difficult path. Improvement and strengthening of relationships are guaranteed.
It is deplorable if one of the partners develops faster/slower than the other or in different directions. This inevitably leads to a distance and complicates the relationship. What suited before ceases to suit or begins to annoy because it is outdated. Needs and demands grow or transform, values change, dissatisfaction grows. It is difficult to manage the pace and direction of development, but it is possible by looking back at the things you’ve achieved together.
2 .Dissatisfaction
Why do relationships fail? Dissatisfaction can be a source of irritation, cause a breakdown, or an engine in the development of relationships in a small dose and finding a way out. In the case when dissatisfaction accumulates over the years, it was originally the result of insecurity, avoiding the open presentation of their needs and patience, it can lead to separation.
Why do relationships fail? Because one’s needs aren’t satisfied. Satisfied needs make a person happy and content. It is important to remember that a child can count on meeting the needs of the parents. An adult is obliged to understand, recognize, and satisfy their needs on their own. Only a small part of the needs for a healthy relationship is realized by partners.
3. Parent-child projections
The percentage of relationships that fail in which there was a parent-child relationship is quite high. The problem of parent-child projections in partnerships is very relevant. It manifests itself in an unconscious desire to receive unconditional acceptance and love from a partner, hoping that all their childhood injuries and needs will be taken into account and satisfied. It manifests itself in the form of excessive demand for attention, an excessive desire to please, deserve favor, or excessive openness, nakedness, presence, dissolution.
It looks like an immense void inside trying to fill a partner. Such hopes conflict with the idea of partnerships. A husband/wife should not play the role of father/mother for their partner, save from childhood injuries and fears of reality. Only the awareness of child-parental projections will free from this conflict. The ability to be responsible for oneself and relationships is an adult character and a prerequisite for a strong healthy relationship.
4. Projection of an ideal partner
The projection of an ideal partner is a common cultural phenomenon that has embraced our culture for the past few centuries and has been compounded recently. Mass culture is replete with and infected with the idea of finding the ideal, single partner, a feeling of love similar to a religious experience. The deception consists in the fact that the ideal must not be sought in a partner, but in the depths of one's own soul. This is a complex, long, and rigorous job of self-knowledge. A real partner can never and should not be ideal. They are humans in all of their manifestations.
Men are more susceptible to this projection, this period lasts up to 3 years or less, after which the magic dissipates, and great disappointment and resentment ensue. The best position in this situation will be not to support the projection. Be yourself, a real person, your partner should accept you as you are.
4 Reason Relationships Fail When Both Partners Are Guilty
Here are some of the instances in which both partners are to blame that a relationship is falling apart.
1. Exchange balance
You don't know why a relationship fails? Relationship quality can be assessed in two simple words - the balance of exchange. This concept is characterized by the volume of attention, love, participation, diligence, actions, emotional and behavioral characteristics involved in the exchange between people. You can talk about a positive or negative balance and the exchange of good and evil. It’s easy to determine this by listening to yourself, you will understand how much and what you invest in relationships.
Stable balance causes stability. To receive as much as invested is accompanied by a sense of justice and satisfaction. The disturbed balance depletes the one who gives more and destroys the relationship. Any distortions are fraught with a gradual but steady deterioration in relations and breakup. The situation when one person manages relationships and the other does not, shows a disturbed balance. Measuring balance and evaluating your relationship is possible only from a conscious position.
2. Contradictions
Contradictions in relationships will always exist as a result of differences between people. They create the uniqueness and individuality of each of us. Those contradictions that are not overcome, turn into difficulties, accompanied by conflicts, scandals, and misunderstanding. Stubbornness, despotism, and the desire to insist destroy the relationship. Having stumbled once upon insurmountable contradictions, a couple can move away enough to part. Contradictions require attention and coping skills. Behind each of them is a simple human need. They seem to collide and conflict. Intrapersonal conflicts of the same nature are experienced very painfully. Each of us felt the grave state of internal schism.
Contradictions disconnect, alienate partners from each other, cause a desire to insist on their own, defend their position, suppress, win. Confrontation or concessions are bad helpers in overcoming contradictions. The best way is cooperation. It is necessary to recognize the need for each position, and the right of each of the partners to satisfy their needs, then unite together and invent a new way to solve the problem in which each of the needs will be satisfied. It is difficult to understand and implement, however, it is possible and necessary for the couple to stay together. The process unites, helps understand, develops creativity and cooperation.
3. Inability to manage relationships
In those pairs where there are no relationship management mechanisms, even with good initial data, they can become deadlocked and crash. Any process leads to unpredictable results without control. Management requires clear goals (what do we want to have?), deadlines (when?), and tools (how?). Plan your relationship, set specific goals, define criteria, manage them.
It’s useful to sort things out, clarify them, talk about relationships, talk about your feelings, without causing a partner’s guilt, realize the degree of satisfaction, talk about it, be able to cooperate - this will save you from disaster. A sufficient degree of openness will help maintain relations in good quality so that you can observe their development and adjust if something goes wrong.
It is important that both partners participate in this, so both of you will be in a mature position. Highlight a period of your relationships, determine the characteristics at the beginning of this period, and at the end, note what and how has changed and why. In the event that everything happens by itself, your relationship is in danger. Discuss with your partner what you want from your relationship in the near future and determine how to achieve this goal, achieve them together, and get a feeling of satisfaction from doing so. So you learn how to manage your relationship.
4. Monotony
Monotony is another feature in connection with which relationships can come to a standstill. Using a limited arsenal of strategies in relationships causes calm and stability, and after that - boredom. If there are few strategies, they will lead to the same results, or they may even become so outdated that they will cease to bring good results. We need to look for new and successful interaction strategies. Be open to new knowledge and new actions. Sometimes, it’s useful to do something wrong, as always, to get the result and evaluate it. Get a good result, consolidate this new strategy, and praise yourself. Flexibility promotes diversity and is a good cure for stagnation and boredom.
One or more of the reasons lead relationships to a standstill and destroy them. The more of them, the more malignant the destruction. A tangle of interrelated reasons supporting one another is much more difficult to disassemble and unravel than one. However, the onset of the point of no return leads to the collapse of the relationship. They either exhaust themselves to the end or die painfully. One or both partners, having lost hope until the end, go to the stage of a breakup. It is almost impossible to revive relations if one experienced a feeling of global dissatisfaction and passed the point of no return. Hope dies forever, but this is far from the end. Relationships pass into the stage of separation.
Eternal Rules to Avoid Relationship Fails
Love is the most studied and at the same time, the most confused about all human emotions. Until today, scientists have not invented any love potion. Nevertheless, scientists provide some useful tips, backed up by scientific research, with the goal of building strong and lasting relationships. Keep in mind that there is a difference between romantic love, which can endure many trials, and passionate love, or passion, which often disappears after the start of a relationship.
Develop positive thoughts about your soulmate
Scientists have found that having positive thoughts about your couple is very important in a relationship. When you focus on the good personal qualities of your companion, it strengthens your relationship. Bianca Acevedo, Ph.D. and author of a 2009 study conducted by scientists from the University of California at Santa Barbara, noted that couples in good relationships remember more favorable than unfavorable experiences, they are always together, and also never doubt each other. These couples can resolve conflicts quite easily, as they don’t get hung up on things that bother them.
Exercise your physical affection
Feeling love and affection for your soul mate is important, but no less important are expressions of love and affection in physical relationships. Studies show that it is not wise to use sex for mercantile interests when your goal is to create passionate and strong relationships.
The expression of love should not be too plentiful or absent altogether. Kissing on the cheek or touching the shoulder is often enough to make the relationship “play.” Moreover, the presence of regular sex will only improve your relationship.
Researchers Michelle Russell and James McNulty of the University of Tennessee say that having sex can be the key to maintaining a long-term sense of love and happiness. Even if sex is not very good right now, do not stop. Other studies show that sex can improve with age, despite a decrease in sex drive.
Face to face communication
You probably already know that communication is a vital component that determines the quality of any relationship. However, the communication method is also crucial to the quality of your relationship. Scientists have found that couples who speak face to face are more likely to stay together. In 2007, a study published in the journal of family psychology revealed that couples are generally happier if they communicate more face to face.
Phone calls, messages, Skype, and other means of communication using electronic devices do not make people quite interconnected. To build stronger and more stable relationships, try to communicate with each other face to face.
Explore new and exciting activities together
Psychologist Arthur Aron, Ph.D. and collaborator in a study published in the prestigious journal The Science of Social Psychology and Personality, discovered that couples can improve their love for each other when they spend time together, learning new and challenging activities.
If, for example, you are going to jump with a parachute for the first time, do it with your soul mate - the researchers confirm that your relationship will be stronger. If you are not a fan of extreme activities, look for and solve complex intellectual problems together to revitalize your daily life.
Give each other personal space, but not too much of it
No matter how much you adore each other, each of you needs a small personal space. This is a way to understand and give each other some freedom in the amount that both of you need. Giving your couple too little personal space and pinching it in the grip of a relationship is just as bad as giving too much freedom and moving away from each other.
Support each other's hobbies
In accordance with the findings of a study conducted by Arthur Aron, people who have hobbies besides joint ones more often express a passion for their soulmate, as if transferring love for their hobby to it. If you see that your soulmate is addicted to something or has acquired a new hobby, support them in their endeavors. Your relationship will become even stronger.
Remember, the formula of love is not always so simple. But by making conscious changes in thinking and behavior, you can improve, strengthen, and refresh your relationship.