You already managed to get her into your bed once. Actually, you did it many times. But those days are gone, and now sex with her will most likely turn into drama for you. Or not? In theory, sex with your ex should be awesome: you know what she likes, and she knows what you like, and you both are aware that the idea of doing it after a breakup is bad, but this only spices things up. Isn't that cool?
As a matter of fact, it’s not: in the vast majority of cases, such experiments end in unwanted consequences for both partners. There’s almost a 100% chance that one of you will try to make things between you work again, and you’ll eventually find yourself repeating the same mistakes all over again. But usually, when you have the rare fortune to get your ex into bed, you don’t bother thinking over the consequences. We understand you like no other, so we’ll give you some tips on how to have sex with your ex and survive it.
Should you have sex with your ex: 10 things to consider
First of all, no matter how much you hate to do this, but you need to think over the potential consequences. Even if ex sex is the best sex you’ve ever had. Here are a few things you need to take into account to avoid as many mistakes as you can.
Who dumped whom?
“Should I have sex with my ex?” Before asking yourself this question, answer who made the decision to break up. You only have a chance to sleep with your ex if it was you who dumped her or if the desire to break up was mutual. If she was the initiator, she’d hardly want to meet with you, let alone sleep with you. At this moment, she’s looking for new emotions, sensations, and impressions, and she doesn’t need your old jokes that always made her mad. If it happens so that you end up in one bed once again, there’s no guarantee that you won’t start whining and asking her to give you a second chance. If it didn’t work then, it certainly won’t work now.
Nostalgia is a bad thing
This point is pretty obvious: don’t remind her of those good times you had together. Even if sex actually happens, and you want to take a stroll down the memory lane after it, hold back. Don’t do that. This is one of the worst ideas you could think of. Just read a couple of sex with ex stories, and you’ll see why. If you want to fill an awkward silence after sex, tell your ex about what you’ve been up to recently and what you have achieved (that is, if you have any recent achievements). You don’t want her to think that you’re trying to get her back.
When it’s time to quit
As soon as you notice that she’s trying to tell you that it was a mistake to break up, and it’d be nice to start over, pack up your stuff, get dressed, and run away. You’ll never become friends. There’s no such thing as ex-partners with benefits.
Telling someone about ex sex is a mistake
Perhaps you already have a new girlfriend, but you still sleep with your ex. In this case, none of them should know your secret, even your ex. No matter how hard she tries to show indifference to your personal life, any info regarding your new relationship will make her jealous. At best, you’ll no longer have sex with your ex, and at worst, she’ll tell your new girl everything.
Make sure you both see what’s happening from the same perspective
One of you may still feel bad and be emotionally vulnerable because of a painful breakup. This is possible if the decision wasn’t yours, and you pretend that you want to sleep with her, although what you really want is to revive the relationship or vice versa – if she’s deeply in love with you, and you just want to get into her bed. However, if both of you want the same thing and understand what’s going on, it’s safe to go on.
Never let your guard down
It might be difficult to have sex with the ex and not let your guard down at the same time. No hugs and passionate kisses after sex. No get-togethers at home with pajamas and cold pizza. All these are signs that you’re too relaxed and feel too comfortable next to your former girlfriend. You’re halfway to another pointless relationship.
The time that has passed also matters
If you want to try sex with your ex-girlfriend, you should wait at least a few weeks (or months) before you try to do it. Even if you had a peaceful breakup without negative feelings, you must wait until the dust settles before making your way back to her bed; otherwise, things may get nasty.
Status quo
If you used to keep in touch before sudden ex sex, you can hang out from time to time after it. But if you haven’t communicated, there’s no need to begin to. Any suspicious action will make her wonder why you changed your attitude to her. And it’s better not to sleep with her again. Sure, it was cool, but it should be a one-time deal. If you don’t want drama, remember: you can only avoid it if you have sex with your ex once. As soon as you begin to do this regularly, your life will become much more complicated.
Your intentions should be clear
Before your lips touch hers, you must clarify your intentions and expectations. Tell her that you’re just looking for sex with no obligations and consequences and that you don’t want to bring the relationship back; you’d love to have a little fun together, that’s all. Let her know that you don’t need anything, especially a broken relationship that may lead to problems.
Make sure you have sex and nothing more
This may sound rough, but when it comes to having sex with your ex, you should do only this and nothing else. Be honest. Don’t look for excuses every time she wants to go out with you. Tell her that you’re not interested.
Ex wants to have sex: why does it happen?
There are several reasons why you might be dreaming about having sex with your ex. The first and most common one is feelings that haven’t gone cold yet. Whatever you do to drive them out of your head, one sudden encounter with an ex will reveal what is actually happening in your heart, like a lie detector. In this case, emptiness and frustration are inevitable. It’s unlikely that sex will help restore a relationship if it had some good reason to collapse, but it can give a vile feeling of being used. One might think that the advice not to sleep with an ex whatever they promise would be quite reasonable here. But often, reverse psychology works better in such cases: sleep with them again and then again. Do this until you realize that your ex has nothing to do with your current life and let them go.
Another reason for having sex with your ex is the desire to boost your self-esteem by asserting yourself at the expense of your former partner and prove that you’ve achieved something despite them never appreciating you. This usually happens because of low self-esteem, obviously, especially if it was a partner who broke up with you and not vice versa. Let’s suppose you really began to feel sexy and confident after the breakup. And they haven't changed at all. So how will the phrase “I had sex with my ex” increase your importance or status among friends, then? And what if you still suffer from loneliness, and they live happily with another partner? Perhaps, they won’t have anything against sex with you, especially since sex with an ex isn’t considered cheating for many people. But will your pride stand the feeling of being the second best? No way! If you are going to assert yourself at the expense of your ex, then let sex be the prize that they have to win.
Reason number three: you just want sex. You haven’t had a partner for a long time; besides, sex is good for health. And your ex knows how to please you, and you’re used to trusting them. This is the only case where sex with ex-girlfriend may not hurt you. But there are still risks because when you were dating, there was a different kind relationship between you, not just sex. There was tenderness, attention, and care. It’s possible that, without all this, you’ll feel nothing except disgust for this person in the morning.
And finally, you just don’t want your ex to build a happy relationship before you because of selfishness and wounded pride. It’s important for you to be the first to succeed in personal life. After all, if they find a better partner, you may be hurt even more. While you sleep with your ex, and this supports and preserves their illusions that they’ll be able to get you back, they’re less motivated to create something serious with another partner. And you can build a new relationship faster than them. You basically say, “I want to have sex with my ex because I want her to stay miserable.”
How to get your ex to have sex with you
No relationship, gifts, and romance. No scandals. Just sex. But not every girl will easily agree to jump back into your bed. If you feel that yours is one of those, then follow the instructions below. So, how to ask your ex for sex?
Find a place where you can meet
Ask your buddies to invite your ex to a party. Loud music and gallons of alcohol look less suspicious than an offer to chat about the past at a candlelit dinner.
Alcohol is your friend
This is the good old, proven, and working method. Get her a couple of drinks. You need to make her forget about prejudices and ignore what her friends may think about her. Plus, she can always blame alcohol for everything even if she had (and has) nothing against sleeping with you. Feel free to help her make such mistakes more often.
Behave spontaneously
If you’re planning on having sex with an ex without getting your feelings hurt, you need to behave spontaneously. Don’t call or text her, asking how she’s doing. Instead, approach her at a club, at a party, whatever, charm her, and show that you want her in your bed. If you call her and start asking about her life, she might think that you’re looking for something more than just sex. Act as you’ve just met a new, interesting person, and you want to take her to your place.
Let her know you want to sleep with her
Have sex dreams about your ex and can’t wait until you get her into your bed again? Let her know that you want to do it. Don’t bother her with stories about how much you miss her; instead, say that she looks great in these jeans, skirt, dress, or whatever she’s wearing at the moment. There’s no need to use subtle hints when you’re comfortable enough together. Don’t look at her with loving eyes. One slight glance is enough to let her know that she’s sexy. Be straightforward. Invite her to your place or wait for an invitation from her.
Make her recall some old sex fantasies
Poke around your memory and try to remember all the tricks she used to love in bed. If there’s something you have always wanted to try, but it never came to that, drop a hint that you’d like to do it now. After all, we’re talking about having sex with an ex-girlfriend, so there’s no point in being shy. Go ahead, do whatever you want.
Bottom line: keep everything under control
To get the best of sex with your ex without any further problems, you need to keep the situation under control. Don’t let her decide how and where you’ll meet; everything should happen naturally – this way you’ll maintain control. Don’t cancel your plans just to hang out with her friends if she calls you. In other words, don’t forget that it was you who decided to take the initiative.