Everything You Need to Know About Polyamory Relationships

Many people may agree that marriage is not only love and respect. It is also loyalty to one’s partner. Children that are born and brought up in an ordinary family see only a positive example of their parents. But what if it concerns relationships without obligations? Or one of the partners or both of them dream of some kind of diversity in sexual life?

The idea of polyamory lies in trust and honesty. And not only men can have more than one sexual partner but also women. And this definition is associated with openness and equality between people. But first things first.

what is polyamory

What polyamory is and why you should bother

Nothing surprises us in the 21st century. Transgender people, people with non-traditional sexual orientation, mixing races, polyamory dating sites – all this is accepted and become the norm in developed countries. But the attitude towards people in polyamory relationships is still ambiguous and sometimes negative.

What is polyamory? The main idea of the polyamory is the opportunity to openly deal with several people at the same time, and the participants should know about each other, not be against such a union, and live without jealousy.

What are the types of polyamory relationships?

  • V – this Latin letter denotes a situation where one person dates two others, not connected by any relationship.
  • Triangle is three people who date each other.
  • Square is four people in a relationship. Often (but not necessarily) two separate couples enter the “square”.
  • Group consists of more than four partners who are in a relationship with each other.
  • Solo is a person who dates several people but doesn’t seek to live with one or all of his/her partners.
  • Hierarchical polyamory is the reverse of the previous situation: a person separates “primary” relationships (they can be characterized by a high level of intimacy, cohabitation, a common budget, etc.) and “secondary” relationships. In this case, the “second partner” is not necessarily less important, but takes not so important place in the daily routine of the other.

Of course, all classifications are conditional: people themselves establish the rules and format of their relationships. The main thing is to have a conversation about this. Unless you discuss with a partner in what relationship you are, you can’t be completely sure of it.

Poly dating rules

To ensure that everything goes according to a plan and no one is offended, supporters of polyamory should adhere to certain rules.

1. What woman is ready for a poly relationship? Believe me, there are not so many such women. A woman should openly share her fantasies, willingly accept experiments, and be ready to discuss people who seem attractive to a partner.

2. A deal is a deal. Both partners should be prepared that relationships on the side will be not only with him/her but also with someone else.

3. In such relationships, there should be maintained trust between the “spouses”. Whatever people may say, women are jealous creatures and it may take time to overcome this feeling.

polygamy vs polyamory4. Communicate more often with each other. Act according to circumstances. It may be necessary to correct the terms of the contract, for example, to reduce the number of partners or the frequency of meetings with them.

5. Problems must be discussed and resolved as they arise. Otherwise, the feeling of constant discomfort is unavoidable.

6. Polyamory men shouldn’t be overly ambitious. It is necessary to really evaluate a situation. Think about how many women you can provide with love, attention, and gifts. Make sure that there is enough time for work, friends, and hobbies. Start with two mistresses, then adjust to the circumstances.

7. And, finally, perhaps the main rule: never compare your partners. Also, detailed stories about outside sex can easily destroy all shaky relationships.

Polyamory vs polygamy: understand the difference

What is the difference between polygamy and polyamory? Is it possible to create a harmonious love relationship if there are more than two participants in them? According to some people, such connections have great prospects and become more popular.

Polyamory as a system of views approves love relationships of partners with other people and calls not to pay attention to the partner’s gender identity, that is, welcomes non-traditional connections. At the same time, polyamory and polygamy are close, but not identical: polyamory is more a view of life than a way of life. In the course of the development of polyamory relationships and the inclusion of new participants in them, the format of communication can vary from free to serious and vice versa.

So, polygamy vs polyamory: what to choose? Supporters of polyamory believe that not everyone can adhere to monogamy, that freedom in choosing a companion or companions for life is necessary. But two important conditions for such communication are the voluntary consent of people and absolute honesty. The desire to have several love partners is considered absolutely natural. At the same time, all the relationships that consist of more than two people should be based on trust and respect, excluding the emergence of conflicts based on jealousy, lies or infidelity.

Polyamory vs open relationship

It is also important to distinguish polyamory relationships from open relationships. In an open relationship, people have the right to have sex with anyone they want and this doesn’t affect a relationship between two partners. In polyamory relationships, we have to work more on ourselves and communication – a person builds close spiritual and physical contact with not one but several people at once. This requires much more patience, but as a result, a person receives just as much as he/she wants.

In the traditional society, there is a stereotype that we need to have as many relationships as possible before a wedding in order not to have the desire to cheat on a partner and create a strong family in the future. Free relationships are a great way to acquire such experience and polyamory makes it more profound. The interaction of long-term partners becomes boring not only in sexual terms. On the other hand, recent large-scale studies by Americans show that the fewer partners you had before marriage, the more likely your family life will be successful.

Also, don’t forget that free relationships work in both directions. If you are an alpha male and have your own mini-harem and a calendar with a schedule of meetings for a month ahead, you must be morally ready that a similar notebook with male names can fall out of the girl’s bag. Not all the guys are capable to overcome the possessive instinct and stoically treat this aspect of equality.

Polyamory families: do they work?

In modern society, it is not so difficult to find people who agree to a relationship without obligations. They can be easily found, for example, on dating sites. In the virtual world, there are also many sites with a specific focus. But remember that everything should be discussed in advance. A new lover should know that she/he will not be the only one and not the main person in your life. And yet, believe me, no persuasion, embrace or promise will convince a woman to think differently if she is monogamous. However, the chances may appear if you follow the rules that we list below. And, perhaps, she will want to plunge into the exciting world of polyamory marriage.

polyamory marriagePolyamory families rules

1. Only the truth

Imagine the situation: you are in a relationship and love your partner, BUT there is, as they say, one “BUT”: you are bored with the monotony of sex. What to do in this case? Have a romance on the side and hide? The truth goes out one day and a scandal can’t be avoided. The solution is, of course, mutual agreement in this matter. Such unions should be based on respect and mutual trust. If mutual agreement is achieved, polyamory allows you to embody your sexual fantasies with many partners. And thus there is not a single hint of excuses and lies. For example, you live with one partner who loves hard sex, but also you communicate with another one who likes to be dominated by you, and a couple more partners who love romantic sex. In the aggregate, you get passion, care, friendship, and all kinds of sex. All this can be obtained if the idea is approved by other partners.

2. Loyalty and devotion

Such an offer shouldn’t be a surprise to a soul mate. At best, people should adhere to the same view of polyamory. If your partner is reluctant to agree to this, then everything will end up with offenses, constant stress, suffering and, as a result, scandal and a breakup. It’s just better to immediately pay attention to how a man or a woman perceives such things – if categorically, then most likely it’s not for him/her. Of course, having sexual relations with several people at the same time, we can’t talk about such concept as loyalty. However, it makes sense to talk about devotion. After returning from a date to the “first partner”, you prove your basic affection and devotion. Discussing problems at work or your financial situation, you also will be only with the “first partner”. Let you have some traditions or habits that you will keep together. These can be hugs before sleep or a special prelude to sex. Considering any options both emotional and sexual, the main thing is that you don’t allow this with another woman or man.

3. Sex

First of all, it is necessary to designate the time for your “first partner”. At least one evening in a week should be spent together. Another question is where to meet with other girls/guys? The second bedroom in your apartment will be very opportunely. But still, at least at the initial stage, invite guests on those evenings when your first partner is going out on a date (I hope you didn’t forget about the mutual right to third-party communications?). It is possible, of course, to go somewhere, but it is necessary to spend the night at home.

No one can argue that polyamory families are perfect – they face the same difficulties as any other family. All this indicates that there is no one way for all to express love between people. What is normal for one person may be unacceptable for another. Relationships are very diverse. And all this pushes to thoughts that love of the future may differ from the ideas about relationships we have today. So, don’t be afraid to be not like everyone.

All things considered

Polyamory relationships are freedom of choice based on trust and honesty. The modern reality is that most people secretly have lovers or mistresses. That is why open polyamory can add colors to your life and give energy from communication with new people. And don’t forget that trust, which is the fundamental basis of strong relationships, is an integral part of polyamory.