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How to Not Be Bored in a Relationship

We all feel terrible when boredom starts creeping into our relationships, we feel like this is the end, you are done, you two now know everything there is to know about each other and nothing new can come out of such a relationship. But is it really true? And if so, does it signify the end of a relationship or is it just something that you should accept? Why does monotony sometimes appear in a relationship?

bored or unhappy in a relationship

Is it normal to be bored in a relationship?

Boredom is a feeling that everyone experiences from time to time, it is unpleasant and very painful, at such moments the pressure of time becomes unbearable, every second lasts forever. True boredom is testing our relationship with the world. This is a state that we like to call “stuck in the middle”: we seem to be unable to move, constrained by our own expectations, weighed down by our own emptiness and worthlessness. The taste for life is slowly leaving us, and there is nothing we can do about it. The work of this mechanism of loss of interest and meaning becomes noticeable when it begins to manifest itself in a specific aspect of our lives, for example, in a relationship with a partner. We begin to perceive our partners as monotonous, boredom causes a feeling of tiredness and dissatisfaction with a relationship in general.

In moments of boredom, it is useful to remember that dissatisfaction is one of the properties of the psyche, a form of our existence. It is connected neither with our own inability to live, nor with the imperfections of our partners, and therefore there is no need to blame anyone for your boredom. Today, a long monogamous union in Western society is perceived as the personification of a lifeless routine, banality, and inertia. And it is these associations that drive us crazy. But should we live by the law of the infinite multiplication of everything — our partners, occupations, interests, achievements?

Today's life is controlled by slogans, the main of which is a success. And if “going to the same job every day” or “making love to the same person” means that I am not satisfied with my life, that I am a nobody, it means that all this needs to be quickly destroyed. And then I will most likely tell myself that I'm bored. Today, more and more partners break up their relationships, explaining this only by the fact that they are bored together.

You should be honest with yourself, if you strongly feel like everything is done and there is no way you can reignite your relationship – don’t forget that there are many women dating sites to be found online. Don’t waste your time and discover thousands of hot girls looking for dates right now.

What creates boredom in a relationship?

It is important to carefully consider those features of relationships that seriously increase the risk of stagnation in a pair.

High expectations. After falling in love, we involuntarily idealize the partner, ascribe to them qualities that they do not possess, and thus, they seem to be pretty much perfect for us. When romantic love passes, we see a real person, the ideal image collapses. Disappointment and dissatisfaction arise.

what to do when bored in a relationshipGood intentions. "It is more important to devote oneself to children or to arranging everyday life, rather than spending time developing relations" - such behavior undermines intimacy.

Constrained emotions. The desire to make compromises, suppress anger, control oneself, and avoid quarrels can lead to the creation of smooth relationships ... that will then turn to boring and toxic.

Lack of attention. The disproportionately large involvement of one of the partners in other relations (whether they are professional, friendly, family) leads to the fact that there is not enough force for a romantic relationship to develop.

Personal features. Some of us are more likely than others to become bored, which can then turn into a depressive one. If a person is bored with themselves, if neither their work nor their hobbies inspire them, then it is difficult to offer something else to them.

Boredom in relationships: main signs

Here are the most common signs you're getting bored in a relationship.

1. Your partner shows indifference

If your partner used to be interested in doing something with you, but now they show indifference, it's time to take a closer look at the relationship. One of the alarming signs is the lack of enthusiasm for things that they used to be interested in doing with you, when your partner gets tired of relationships, even the most interesting things become burdensome. If before they always planned some interesting dates in different places, but now they have stopped, this is a sure sign that they are bored.

2. Your partner has no interest in new things

How often do you and your partner do something new together? If the desire to try something new together disappeared, then this is a sure sign of boredom. If earlier your partner was ready for everything new, whether it be new places or new ways of hanging out, and now they want to do the same thing all the time, this is a sign that they are bored of your relationship. This may sound strange, but relationships can become uninteresting when new experiences become routine.

3. Your partner no longer asks questions

When you meet a new person, everything about them is interesting to you. You can talk for hours, getting to know each other closer. And although this interest runs out over time, there should always be some sense of curiosity - at least how your day went by. When your partner is bored in a relationship, they are less and less interested in knowing things about you, they stop asking how your day went because they’re tired of hearing about it. They do not ask what is happening in your life, because they are no longer interested in your answers.

4. You two are stuck in your smartphones and devices when you are together

How to tell if you are bored in a relationship? We all sometimes get too stuck in our phones, but if your partner almost always pays more attention to the screen than to you, it means that they are bored. This behavior is called "being alone together." If a partner is tired of your relationship, they can physically spend time with you, but at the same time lock themselves in, you are sitting in the same room, but they are flipping through a news feed or listening to podcasts instead of talking to you or doing something together. The opportunity to be alone is important in any relationship but spending time together is no less important.

5. Your partner says that they are bored

There are many non-obvious ways in which you can determine that a partner has become bored in a relationship, but the simplest one is when they directly speak about it. Sometimes it’s just petty complaints like “We stopped going for walks”, and sometimes they’re straightforward statements: “I’m bored with you”.

How to not be bored in a relationship?

Now that you know the nature of being bored in a relationship, and you know the signs of feeling bored in a relationship, let’s move on. In order to fix anything, you have to make changes and not let everything just flow by itself. So, how to avoid getting bored in a relationship?

1. Look inside yourself

What to do when bored in a relationship? When you understand that you have become bored in a relationship, you should determine why your interest has faded away. Have you lost interest in the relationship itself or in the girl? This is important because in the second case, the solution to the problem is a much more radical change. The first case makes you pay attention to yourself. Maybe your boredom is connected with the general dissatisfaction with life, which leaves a mark on your relationship. Then it’s time to understand yourself, to recognize your own needs, because sometimes people can’t find a way out simply because they are looking in the wrong places.

2. Set a common goal

How to fix being bored in a relationship? Find some common goals. A goal should be really important to both of you, not just something that one partner wants and the other one just goes with the flow. You must understand that only together can you get what you want. A common goal can unite you and bring additional meaning to your life together. This is a kind of award that is given to employees for the high quality of their work.

3. Change the surroundings

How to not be bored in a relationship? In this case, many psychologists recommend, from time to time, to leave the house and just relax, book a vacation. Thus, you will be able to break out of the daily routine and immerse yourself in the romance that was the characteristic of the beginning of your relationship. You will return home not only with a slightly thinner wallet and tan skin but also with new experiences and strengths.

how to fix being bored in a relationship4. Return to basics

Remember what united you at the very beginning of the relationship or under what circumstances you met. For example, if your first date was at a restaurant, why don't you invite your partner there again and do it from time to time. And if earlier you, for example, played tennis, but then, under a heap of routine affairs, abandoned this joint hobby, then it's time to bring out the rackets and go to the court. Immerse yourself in previous activities to again feel those pleasant emotions that accompanied you on the best days of life together. At the very minimum, this may remind you why you are together in the first place.

5. Do something new together

You will not be full of memories alone. And often the cause of boredom in a relationship is the everyday routine: work, shopping, cleaning the apartment, sleeping ... Therefore, it will be useful to dilute this monotony with new affairs. This may be preparing an original dinner every evening or creating your own family traditions, for example, reading books together in the evenings or a weekly trip to the cinema. Sign up for some classes together, take part in various events, go in for sports - in general, do everything to at least somehow interrupt the monotonous reality. And in general, it is useful not only for relationships but also for each partner individually.

6. Do something new alone

Are you bored or unhappy in a relationship? Maybe you just don’t do the things you like. Living together does not mean that you should spend time with your partner all the time. There are things that you really want to do. This is not only a hobby. Although here you must find activities that contribute to your self-expression, help realize your own desires and release your emotions. Do not forget about personal life, which should be outside the relationship with your partner. There is a certain level of emotional charge that a person receives only when communicating with their friends.

7. Extreme ways

Extreme activities can not only diversify your leisure time but also have medical prerequisites for improving relationships. Such relaxation helps women to develop oxytocin, a hormone that reduces anxiety and brings satisfaction from being together with a partner. Therefore, a joint extreme vacation brings people even closer in a relationship.

8. Explore Mutual Interests

This will help you better plan your time together, eliminating unnecessary activities. Knowing what is interesting to your partner will allow you to organize a date, a trip on vacation or some other event. If you decide to spend time together, then don’t let it be wasted and make it interesting to both of you. If this is a visit to a museum, then the one you both wanted to visit; if a movie - then a movie that will be interesting to both you and your partner. To do this, you need to know that they love, and for everything else, you have your own leisure.

Now that we know the main ways to not be bored in a relationship, let’s look at the other side of the coin. How can you identify a relationship that has no future and that should be put to rest because of boredom?

When boredom becomes a reason to end a relationship?

But if neither the general nor personal affairs and hobbies of the partners inspire them to communicate with each other, if everyone returns home with an involuntary sigh and both plunge into an unbearable feeling of emptiness, then boredom confirms that a relationship may be done for good.

“One evening, Joe and I went to a familiar cafe,” says 35-year-old Jessica. - And suddenly a terrible feeling fell upon me, I felt like we were bored with each other. We used to laugh at all those couples that just looked depressed and miserable in each other’s company. And now we are just like them. We had nothing to talk about. I felt very sad. Something went wrong in our relationship".

By that time, Joe and Jessica lived together for a year and a half. What happened? To understand, that there will never ever be that period of passion that you once had for your partner is a piercing, very painful experience. It’s like a separation, it’s a departure from a loved one’s life - an acute sensation of emptiness instantly arises inside of you, and understanding that there is nothing exciting that awaits you ahead. The feeling of dislike is like a step over the abyss. A dizzying test of your love.

We brought up 8 ways in which you can make your relationship less boring. But they would not exist if this problem was not common. Boredom is a natural part of living together, and it appears from time to time in any relationship. It is important to understand that if you and your partner get bored at times, this is not an argument for breaking up. There is no reason to panic, but it is preferable to do something about it.

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