Ghosting in a Relationship and How to Respond to It

What Does Ghosting Mean

Not so long ago a new word appeared in the vocabulary of an internet user - "ghosting". Ghosting someone is when a guy or a girl suddenly stops calling his or her date, answering messages in social networks, liking and commenting photos of his/her partner. In this case, the partner (most likely, already with the prefix "ex") that has been ghosted, actively tries to get back to his ex-lover. This is basically what does ghosting someone mean.

And now, to the list of various variations of relations, on which the social network's imprint has been left, "orbiting" has entered.

Usually, after "ghosting", that is, a sudden disappearance from your life, a person can go on to "orbit." They will continue to monitor you via social networks, like photos, leave comments, but will not answer calls and messages. And it can last for years.

Anna Jobine, who came up with the name for this phenomenon, explained that in this way a person keeps you "close enough" to watch, but "too far away" to speak.

Basically, it is the child of ghosting, it is when you spend a lot of time looking back, for whatever reason. This may get quite freaky and perhaps disturbing, why is he still commenting and liking my photos, yet he doesn’t want to answer my calls?

Now, as we’ve found out what is ghosting, we have to find out, how does it affect a relationship, and more so, how does it come to be? What is Ghosting in a Relationship

So, what is ghosting in dating? We will now explain the main characteristics and origins of ghosting in a relationship. At first, Ghost stops to like your selfies, then he/she stops responding to your messages - and so gradually disappears from the relationship completely. According to experts, today it is the same as to disappear from reality. What has changed? How did ghosting relationship became a form of parting, that is so characteristic of our time? People are constantly disappearing, especially from relationships, and they did this long before the invention of the Internet.

The dating and flirting consultant, Haley Queen, says that communication is almost a continuous process today. That is, about twenty years ago, when the lovers wanted to talk, they talked on the phone. It is unclear where you will find your interlocutor, what his mood is, what he is doing. Very different from today's flow of messages and likes. When you have a phone in your hand, everything is much more obvious.

He stopped calling you, stopped answering your calls? Of course, he is a pig, just like other men. Today there are at least three stages of ghosting. He does not text back for long, because he is offline. He received a message, but still did not read it, so he basically ignores it while being online. And then there is when he reads all the messages – yet there is no reaction. The main thing here, experts advise, is not to make hasty conclusions. Give him time: a minute or two ...

The process of communication nowadays is uninterrupted, everything has greatly accelerated, and ghosting is gaining popularity, because it is very convenient. Even specialists who seem to be trying to draw our attention to the problem acknowledge that in some cases the process of ghosting is irreplaceable. Like, online dating ghosting is the easiest way out, no substitution or alternative. For example, to dump an ex-boyfriend from high school, who suddenly appeared after fifteen years. Or to dump someone after an unsuccessful blind date.

You get acquainted with the help of an application, share photos on Instagram, see common friends on Facebook – then you decide to finally meet offline. And then, just like that, the worst match in the world stands before you. In such cases, experts say, you can "turn on your ghosting".

In the overwhelming majority of cases, as Nikki Goldstein insists, one must force oneself to make contact. According to her, the more you use ghosting instead of going through a difficult conversation, the less you are able to cope with reality. This refers to the offline reality - what was considered as such ten years ago. There are no likes and swipes - there are living people, problems and relationships.

The general public agrees. 78% of those surveyed by the American research center Pew Research (participants of it were people who were born at the end of the last century) said that talking in real life is the most acceptable way of parting. At the time of the survey, 15% of them have already experienced parting, and 31% have parted via messages.

If we consider all age groups, according to a survey of The Huffington Post and YouGov, 11% of people are familiar with the concept and have personally experienced ghosting. A study conducted by the American ELLE, argues that the prcentage is actually quite higher: 17% of men and 24% of women. It seems that a lot of people had to find out how to deal with ghosting.

What is ghosting in texting? It is simple to understand and even simpler to do, just don’t text or mention him in any way. And the more we communicate on the Web, the more natural this way of parting gets. The flow of information and new contacts displace the user, which, in fact, is exactly what he needs. But how easy it is to get lost in the world of social networks, it's just as easy to find someone there.

One, you are marked on the photo of your mutual friend. Two – you saw each other in a new restaurant. Three - you just can forget and contact her to stay friends after all this, but ghosting a girl seems like being an asshole. Yet there are many cases of ghosting a friend, when you get ignored even if you want to part ways more properly. A separate story is a couple who decided to remain friends after parting. That is, offline everyone starts to live their own life. But on the web ...

If you have a common past, Telegram, Facebook and Instagram will regularly remind you of it. It takes only a glimpse of a photo of you two to strike a chord? And well, you delete these photos, that’s it. And it's good, if that is truly it. But there may still be common accounts, maybe you have used the same account for iTunes, iCloud ...

How to Respond to Ghosting

But suppose you are no longer together and you are not friends. Separated, as in the good old days - they waited for a scandal, expressed the boiling troubles, threw things from the balcony. Do you think the virtual world will leave you alone, will it allow you to sit comfortably on your couch and quietly hate each other? Keep dreaming! No matter how many common friends you block, Facebook remembers everything.

In general, now you have two problems - your common past and his new present. With the past it is clear: photographs, checks and reminders will pop up, and it's better to prepare yourself for such moments in advance. As for his new present, it is impossible to prepare here.

Specialists in the field of relations warn: men and women are experiencing the process of parting in different ways. Maybe the emotions are similar, but these periods and their duration are different for them. Therefore, if on the second day after farewell you found him in the center of a noisy party, do not get upset, do not burst into tears eating ice-cream while watching "Sex and the City" – he will be somewhere in a week.

The good news is that you now also have the present. Specialists believe that the phenomenon of ghosting got such a wide popukarity because each of us is too enthusiastic about ourselves. Nobody holds no one that hard. To find some sort of a relationship, a date for tomorrow, to fill in the gap – is a common thing.

There is even the term "shortage or a deficit of relations". We are not attached to each other, and that's normal. It's just a little uncomfortable that outdated stereotypes get along well with new ones. "I often encounter situations when a girl leaves a date, confident that the guy will call her, and that he should seek and take the initiative," says Dr. Goldstein.

In other words, the girl will not call first. Because it's indecent. In the formulation of Dr. Goldstein - "not to seem too enthusiastic." This is, basically, a form of tactical ghosting. But the guy thinks that the ghosting is quite real! And now he gets upset. Maybe he even decides: "Ok, maybe I’ll get lucky next time." In fact, to make it work, we need to somehow negotiate.

Ghosting After a Long Relationship: How to Cope

How to respond to ghosting? Settle down, get calm, wipe off your tears and get to work. We understand that you feel terrible, but let's put aside the cake, turn off Adele and try these applications.

RX BREAKUP

For those who after two glasses of wine break to write to an ex. During a 30-day program, you will learn to understand your feelings, do your homework, try to analyze and understand the mistakes that have been committed in a love life. According to users, this is the best thing after professional help. You can find it free on iTunes.

HEADSPACE

If after separation you cannot recover and react painfully to reality, we recommend that you recover with meditation. The creators of the program say that only 10 minutes a day will help "reboot" and become much happier. headspace.com (first 10 days are on free trial)

BLOCK YOUR EX

It is more difficult to survive the separation if you are still reading the posts of your ex or see who he spent Saturday night with. Block Your Ex - an additional setting in the browser that will allow you to remove all its traces on the Internet. Most of his jokes were idiotic to begin with. Visit blockyourex.com

The following apps will surely teach you how to respond to ghosting, and furthermore, how to cope with it, so you don’t feel bitter or bad about it.