Human is a social being and needs to build relationships with others. One of the most important – are relations with your significant other, the person who will go with you through life. One of the most common causes of misunderstanding, quarrels and conflicts is distrust.
Trust is a foundation on which the relationship between a man and a woman is built. It's a feeling of complete tranquility, the absence of any doubt and full naturalness of the relationship. Trust is an open relationship based on confidence in the decency and charitableness of another person towards you. Trust doubts nothing. Where a doubt begins, trust dies. It's not so easy to gain the confidence of a person, it must be earned not only through words but also through deeds. It doesn’t come so easily, it will take a lot of effort and time to hold it down. In this article, we will tell you how to deal with trust issues and insecurities in a relationship.
Why do I have trust issues?
Distrust is the enemy of harmonious relations. Suspicions, doubts, jealousy prevent us from building a full-fledged relationship. All this provokes difficulties of mutual understanding and leads to alienation. But why is there mistrust between partners? Let's take a closer look at trust issues psychology. There can be several reasons.
Life experience
It will inevitably affect relationships with people in the present and future. Our life is really arranged in such a way that we can’t trust anyone. It is very dangerous. But we have to do this, because without trust, it is almost impossible for people to do business and communicate. We still have to trust someone. Moreover, if you’re going to get married - you must be confident in your future husband or in your future wife! Otherwise, why do you cast your lot in with this person? But when a person has a huge negative experience of communicating with people – they are afraid to believe, trust, fall in love and love. They are more inclined to consider people as enemies, but not friends and allies.
Fear caused by a certain negative experience in the past - poisons life and doesn’t allow people to feel confident about the future, it constantly reminds you of what happened in the past, so that you were ready to protect yourself from such a threat in the future. Therefore, if in the past you were deceived, used, betrayed and humiliated, then this negative life experience will inevitably influence your relations in the present and future. You will doubt the honesty and integrity of your partner, no matter how perfect he or she is. You will still find it difficult to trust them and look at them with a clean sight, not spoiled by past experience. And so you will put pressure on them and shake your relationship with suspicion, jealousy, and captiousness. Between you, there will be a tension based on your life experience.
Betrayal
A partner could once betray you, and you will never forget it. In some cases, both partners could betray each other, and naturally, it undermines the trust of partners to each other for a long time. It's one thing when you faced betrayal in the past, which was associated with another person, with other people, it still can be abandoned. And you will feel completely different if your current partner has already betrayed you. You won’t forget this experience as long as you live with this person. In this case, the fear of betrayal is absolutely justified. There's nothing to comment on if a person betrayed you once, then they are capable of it, and if they are capable of it, then they can betray you again. As practice shows, this is what happens in most cases – a person who is able to betray once, betrays again.
Although there are exceptions. But if the same person betrayed you two, three or more times, then what trust can be there at all? This word should be forgotten. In this case, it is appropriate to talk about how to live in a state of mistrust to a partner, and whether it is worth living in such way at all, and not how to begin to trust someone who can’t be trusted, someone who is very deceptive.
Internal problems
A person can’t trust their significant other and indeed all people because of their own problems, complexes, fears, real and imaginary flaws, and also because of the feeling that nobody loves, respects, or appreciates them. In general, human weakness, above all – spiritual, moral and intellectual, forces them to fear a mass of threats, including the threat of betrayal. That is, the lack of trust in a partner, in reality, may not have any serious arguments, and then this problem should be solved not with a partner, raising stinks and interrogations, but firstly with yourself.
Distrust in yourself
People can’t trust other people, because they don’t trust themselves. The reason for it is that they constantly deceive, cheat, betray and use others. Such people see their own reflection in other people. We tend to judge other people by ourselves, so we often believe that if we are able to cheat on our partner in a given situation, then they will also do exactly the same.
Some people simply can’t understand that others can be completely different - not like them. If, for example, you constantly deceive and betray everybody, and consider this a norm of life for yourself, then we assure you, there are people in this world who don’t do this and consider it wrong. Yes, we all are inclined to deceit, betrayal, or treason. People are too weak to be perfect. But it doesn’t mean that everyone does it, that is, betray, deceive, or cheat. Indeed, there are people who don’t betray their husbands or wives and don’t cheat on them.
Signs of trust issues
- criticism in a situation where the partner has made a mistake;
- any hysterics, threats, accusations;
- the phrase "Where have you been?" And all its derivatives (control);
- jealousy in any, even the lightest form;
- checking the other partner’s phone, diary, correspondence, accounts in social networks, etc.;
- intense longing to help, prompt, or take care;
- any unsolicited advice;
- frequent comparison of the loved one with someone else;
- the phrase "I told you so!";
- desire to do on your own any work normally performed by the partner;
- non-acceptance of borders and distance;
- individual decision making.
How to fix trust issues in a relationship
There is distrust between you and your partner? Nothing good will come of it. If no actions are taken, the feeling of mistrust will only worsen and can pass into paranoia. Any strong relationships can't be built on such terms. What to do when you have trust issues? To get rid of such problem you need to learn to trust your loved one. But how to do it?
1. Find the cause of distrust
It is very important to understand where these feelings and negative emotions come from. Only by identifying the cause of mistrust, you can get rid of this unpleasant feeling.
2. Understand whether it is possible to get rid of mistrust
If the problem is in your attitude to some trifles, then you can change it and thereby influence the situation. Most likely, this will change the behavior of the partner for the better. But there are situations where you can not fundamentally change anything, and you should be prepared for such turn of events.
3. Don’t panic
Even if your worst fears are confirmed, and some kind of "terrible secret" is revealed - this is not the end of the world. It is important to keep a cool head as to further actions and take a balanced decision. If your fears are unreasonable, which is more likely, then panic is inappropriate.
4. Talk to your partner
The best way to clear the air is to talk about the problems with your partner. But you shouldn't do it under the influence of emotions, as soon as another suspicion crept into your mind, but in a quiescent state and at the right moment. Then you have good chances to make sense of it all and find ways out of the situation.
5. Don't abridge their freedom
Realize that loving a person doesn’t mean controlling him or her. Distrust creates attempts to restrict the freedom of a partner. But this is a dead-end development of relations. Let the partner have some freedom, don’t seek to control every his or her step and spend all the time together. It’s a very powerful way for overcoming trust issues.
6. Develop a sense of self-esteem and dignity
Feel yourself a full-fledged person who is interesting to others, then it will be easier for you to get rid of excessive suspicion.
7. Do something important
Take your mind off fears and suspicions. Find a hobby and switch attention to it. Most likely, eventually many suspicions will disappear by themselves, and incomprehensible situations will clear up. Think positively - this will help you overcome problems and troubles.
How to help someone with trust issues
If a man trusts his woman, and she trusts him, then there will be no place for scandals and unjustified jealousy. But what to do if you date someone with trust issues? Don’t worry, we have prepared advice on how to help your loved one with trust issues. Try to imagine yourself in the shoes of your partner, what would you like to see in your partner, so that you could trust him or her. Strive for what you would have wanted from the relationship, but try to take into account the interests of your partner. The most effective way to find out their claims to you is to start a conversation. In a quiet atmosphere, discuss what they don’t like about you and what they want to change in your relationship. Listen to the advice of your partner and he or she will help you gain his or her trust.
You should make a decent play, be proud and demonstrate your strengths. Don’t give a chance to doubt your attitude towards the loved one, be sincere and trust them and then they will be able to trust you.
You must refrain from deception and always tell only the truth to your partner, even if it turns out to be bitter, but it can't disturb your trust. Betrayal in relations takes the lowest position. It is treason that can become the enemy of your relationship.
Try to keep your relationship cheerful and friendly. Don’t deny help when your partner needs it. Become indispensable for them, let them learn to entrust you with secrets. Try to always equal their hopes and not betray.
Don’t discuss your common problems or domestic dramas with friends. If someone else knows about it, then your partner can regard it as betrayal and deception. So they will stop trusting you. Not all your friends can keep the mouth shut. They will want to help and start to get involved in your relationship, and it can offend your partner who may stop not only trusting you but also respecting your words. In their eyes, you will look like a traitor and chatterer who cannot keep secrets.
Well, when you already know how to get over trust issues in a relationship, it’s important to understand that you can earn the trust of a person, but the main thing is to keep it. This can be a very difficult struggle, for which you will need a lot of strength and endurance. A loving person can intuitively comply with their partner and teach them to trust. One has only to make a little effort, be honest and open-hearted with their significant other.
Take care of each other and appreciate the trust in your relationship! It’s better to protect it and not to put in danger that can have destructive power and deplorable consequences.