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How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity


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The hardest thing that can happen to a couple is infidelity of one of the partners. After such a betrayal, the person who was cheated on has all rights to feel depressed and puzzled. What comes next? Questions like «was there even any love?», «how to get over infidelity pain?» and «do I have the strength to forgive and let the situation go?» arise. The thing is, if the partner cheats, you should never treat this as if you were personally hurt, think about it as a temporary hardship that came over your family, no matter how hard it may be.

getting over infidelity

And the infidelity is not the worst itself. Things get awful when it comes to what people do after it. When the truth has been found out you simply do not know how to get rid of these thoughts, they seem to be stuck in your head whatever you do and wherever you go. Especially when you continue to live in the same apartment with a cheater, you sleep in the same bed and have to deal with them every second of your life you spend together. The hardest part is to decide for yourself whether you really want to maintain this relationship. Can you get over infidelity? Or is this relationship worth breaking up? Those are the questions we are going to find the answers to as well as dive into the whole bitterness of this issue. Hopefully at least some aspects of this problem become clearer to you.

What can be the reasons for infidelity?

A normal person does not cheat for the sake of sex. Most likely, there were some serious problems in the mutual understanding and communication in your relationship.

Most often, this is the lack of attention that can lead to infidelity. When one of the partners spends a lot of time at work and gets back home all weary and tired. You become less interested in your spouse’s day and you do not interact as much as you used to, because everything you care about now is taking shower, spending the evening in front of the TV, and falling asleep. All of these things make your partner feel less loved. So, the main reason for cheating hardly ever lies just in sex. It is rather about attention, communication and dedication. All that you have been giving so eagerly at the beginning of the relationship now has all ceased.

In addition to this, ask yourself from time to time whether you are still in love or is it just a matter of habit? Don’t you imagine your life without your partner, or you can’t let them go, because you feel comfortable together and are used to each other? Sadly enough, love is not infinite, and in time, mutual respect and kindness replace this fundamental feeling. You cannot be as passionate about you partner as you originally were when you first met after you have been married for a few years. But the thing you can really do is keep respect for each other. We should not also forget about some psychological reasons that lie deep inside our consciousness and cause people to cheat:

  • The need for real love formed by the lack of attention in the early childhood. Solving the problem of parental attention deficiency is very difficult, as the boy, growing up, carries it into adult life and tries to solve it there. Such a man tries to get the love he lacked in childhood by having various relationships and falling for several people just to get the response back and cure his self-esteem.
  • The contrary phenomenon - the excess of parental love in childhood is another very dangerous thing. In adulthood, a man at the subconscious level tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. The attention and love of a wife for such an individual must necessarily intersect with the attention of a mistress. Because he was used to get all sources of love and care, this selfish approach to relationship leads to such a man cheating.how to deal with emotional cheating

As you can see, either one partner is guilty of causing such a situation or both, overcoming infidelity is a really difficult process. So, before trying to get over the infidelity and find ways to solve it, decide who is to blame. Answering this can take up a long time, but this must be your only sincere decision.

How to get over infidelity and stay together

After you have answered «yes» to the question «can you get over infidelity?» for yourself, discussed the situation with your partner, and made a decision to work on this together, it would be a great idea to implement some of these approaches into your couple’s behavior. They will help you fight the lack of trust and get over all the misunderstandings.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

Do not let the despair conquer your mind. Please do not blame yourself for the fact that you cannot magically leave all this in the past and live on as if nothing happened. Of course, the infidelity of your partner has become the greatest shock in your life at the moment and it now represents a serious threat to your well-being, so it is not a surprise that the pain is constantly returning. So, if you feel confused and angry, stay away from arguing, grab a piece of paper and write down everything that is worrying you. Then you can burn this letter or give it to the cheater.

WORK OVER YOUR THOUGHTS

Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. We tend to believe that anything our inner voice tells us is the ultimate truth. However, we often exaggerate or connect events from different life situations in order to provide us with irrefutable evidence that the life is over.

You can think that this is a minor change, but try doing next. Express your thoughts in a similar kind of way: “I often think of cheating and sometimes feel exhausted after that, although it also happens sometimes that I feel better.” I guess that the last option is more accurate. Re-read the text again and pay attention to “always”, “never”, “should”, “need” and other words from the category of black and white vocabulary.

STOP WAITING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE TO HAPPEN

Some people expect their partner to have some special spiritual subtlety, the ability to recognize their own and others' feelings. Perhaps, you are expecting your partner to listen and sympathize with you even when you are angry, however, you should step into their shoes and remember that you were to make the choice to forgive. So, please, be remorseful and do not shout and hurt your partner any time they do something wrong because that one time they put you in so much pain doesn’t give you the right to constantly abuse them in response now.

GET RID OF PERFECTIONISM

The most destructive of all emotions is the feeling of shame. You will feel embarrassed for your anger or, what is more, for your choice to stay with the person, when a society says you have to split up after such an accident. Since this feeling is unpleasant for us, we are desperately trying to avoid it. The most typical way is to try to be perfect in everything and hope that it will protect us from possible suffering in the future. We do our best to please the partner and hope they do the same.

And a final small reminder for women whose men like to suggest "starting all over again." If your partner wants your relationship to start from scratch, simply explain him that he will have to take you to a restaurant, buy you flowers, and still ask if you do him a favor to go with him on a date. Because starting over means him trying to conquer your heart as if nothing happened. Is he ready for this?

How long does it take to get over infidelity in a marriage?

For someone, adultery is a trauma recovering from which can take a long time, for someone, it is the immediate beginning of a new life. One case or another case, infidelity makes you rethink and change the vector of the relationship.

overcoming infidelityNothing helps to get over cheating as effectively as the time does. Time helps not only to forgive but also to forget. For each person, the amount of time needed for a recovery differs; it all depends on your character. Some can't get over wife's infidelity even after the years pass and others quickly realize how to deal with emotional cheating. Sadly enough, there are no other proven ways to get over infidelity such as time. It does really cure. Try to spend this time not alone but in the company of friends, get engaged in new activities or find a new hobby and you will notice small changes. And of course, no one will tell you for sure how long does it take to get over infidelity, there are no strict calculated measures.

What to do when you can't get over infidelity?

Of course, cheating is both painful and humiliating, and sometimes you think that getting over infidelity is beyond your abilities. Very often people choose not to forgive this and split up without giving each other the second chance. If stepping over your pride is a thing too hard for you to accomplish, then you have the right to it. This is your life, and you choose to move on, leaving your former partner in the past. So, if you have tried a million ways to get things off your chest, forgive your partner, and try to start trusting them again, but nothing has helped, now you can let the past go. It means not only breaking up with your beloved, but not carrying the baggage of the same mistakes into your new relationship. Free yourself from all prejudices and let yourself live freely. Do not blame yourself for the horrible events you have gone through, however, do not think that all people are the same.

When you meet someone new, you should understand this person knows nothing about your struggles, so when he/she does something wrong, the last thing you want to do is close inside your insecurities and give up your hope for the happy future. Everyone is different and there are still people that are willing to love you and accept you with all your scars and memories. Just give them a chance to change your opinion and stop thinking about the past. Cease any communication with the person that hurt you. Not the best thing to do either is to cheat in response to cheating. Why do women blame everything on their husbands and forget about their own mistakes? And after the scandal they decide to take revenge before saying goodbye. But very often in pursuit of revenge, they only punish themselves. Therefore, there is no point in undergoing such an experiment, it will not help to solve your problem.

Is it possible to get over infidelity?

If you feel you cannot find the way how to get over infidelity and move on, it is ok. Every situation is different and maybe the betrayal of your spouse is the one not to be forgiven. But there are still many ways how to face this problem. The idea how to get over infidelity in a relationship will not come to your mind overnight – you should take your time, listen to your emotions and cooperate with your partner in order to save what you have been working on for years together.

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