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Stop Over Analyzing Relationships with This Simple Guide

A lot of people have become more introspective these days due to the virtual communication. We are conscious of what others will think of our looks examining our photos, or what they will think of us, reading our posts or chatting with us. In the era of information, our brains are constantly being supplied with new subjects for pondering. The feeling that you’ve stuck in your own head is familiar practically to everyone. You focus on something and give too much thought.

You keep analyzing it from all possible angles until you realize that you’ve wasted valuable time. The habit of over analyzing everything is very harmful, especially when it comes to relationships. You love your partner, but you can’t stop thinking about the outcome of your relationship, whether your partner genuinely loves you, what they feel for you, what other people think, etc. You need to put an end to this habit before it turns your life into a disaster.

over analyzing everything

Over analyzing disorder

Weighing all pros and cons, thinking what to say, and then, weeks later, endlessly analyzing events, messages, conversations. Does it sound familiar? It’s called over thinking, over analyzing. It’s when you’re too focused on a certain matter. You recall and replay in your head some situation, imagine what would be if you said or did something differently, try to get to the core. As a result, you usually don’t come to any conclusion but waste mental energy and nerves.

According to psychologists, the process of over analyzing things is launched by our own fears that “wake up” in response to some external factors. Unlike the sober, constructive analysis of a situation, overthinking is a recurring process – you are not looking for a solution, your thoughts run in circles. Instead of finding a solution, drawing conclusions, transforming what happened into the useful experience, you’re just stuck in the loop of meaningless overthinking.

Who is prone to overanalyzing? Although every person has ever given some important matter (or trifle) too much consideration, people with anxiety do it more often than others. And they are more likely to suffer from the harmful effects of over analyzing anxiety. Those are stress, tension, fears, lack of confidence, insomnia.

You should distinguish between just overthinking and overthinking disorder. In the first case, you ponder over something because it’s important and you want to come up with the best solution. In the case of overthinking disorder, you can’t control yourself: you are totally concentrated on some problem, and next time you face the same situation, you think, and think, and think about it again in vain. You wish you could turn off your brain, which is obsessed with some situation or issue and doesn’t let you relax and live a harmonious life.

Signs of detrimental overanalyzing

You analyze just everything. Even some trifle gets too much of your attention. It’s the problem of many perfectionists, as for these people, nothing is less significant – everything should be done up to the mark.

how to stop over analyzing everything You ponder over something that happened days or weeks ago. You start over analyzing conversations that you had some time ago and which were regular, at least in your interlocutor’s view. You come up with possible ways of how you could have responded to some of your interlocutor’s words or behavior.

You look for implications in all messages. When you read a message from your friend or loved one, you try to understand what they mean using those particular words. The direct meaning is not enough, you believe there is some hidden meaning behind the text.

It’s hard for you to be in the moment. Living in the present is a quite challenging task for those who tend to wreck their brains over every insignificant thing. You’re either focused on what will happen next or too obsessed with some past experiences.

All your attempts to get rid of a haunting thought end in failure. You try to meditate, but that thought pops up in your head again. No matter how hard you try to distract, it plagues you again and again.

When you break up with the ones you love, you blame yourself. You always think that it was your fault, and you could do something to make your ex love you more.

You almost forgot how it is to sleep sound and be placid. Anxiety caused by overanalyzing doesn’t let you fall asleep as soon as you land your bed. The moments when you alone and can relax are immediately disturbed and ruined by those haunting thoughts. If the abovementioned signs are true of you, then you need to get your head busy with a thought of how to stop over analyzing everything.

Over analyzing in relationships

Being in love, people tend to lose their heads. However, to build a successful relationship, partners should be sober and reasonable. You may say that it means people who like to think twice will be able to build a successful relationship. Not exactly. Over analyzing relationships can have a detrimental effect. We all carry certain emotional baggage that makes us double-check everything new. However, the most important thing here is not to overdo and not to let the fears of the past prevent you from being happy.

Why do people overthink their relationships? Very often, they are afraid to make a mistake. That’s why they analyze their partner’s words and actions in order to foresee their behavior and to conceal their own weaknesses. Another reason for overanalyzing is that in this state of pondering, a person creates a kind of buffer zone between prospective commitment and possible retreat. They feel quite comfortable in this state and let their relationship develop slowly. Sometimes, people resort to overthinking when deep down they know the answer, but they decide to keep their brain busy just to give themselves time.

Overanalyzing prevents you from enjoying this moment. You’re worried about the future, about what your partner thinks, feels. And your significant other can’t enjoy the moment, because they feel your inner discomfort. Both of you feel as if you stuck in one place and can’t move on. Relationships should be joyful, light, and sometimes spontaneous. For this, you need to learn how to stop over analyzing your relationship.

Here are four tips on how to stop over analyzing relationships:

1. Remember that being in a relationship means taking risks. A relationship is a risky venture. You open up to another person, and you should be ready for any outcome. When you start overanalyzing it, you try to predict the ending not even letting yourself to enjoy the beginning. Be patient and let your relationship develop naturally.

2. Go with the flow. Let go of your worries. You can’t control everything, and it’s useful to let things drift sometimes. Life is full of ups and downs, so you should learn to embrace all situations and view them dialectically.

3. Calm down. You are continuously thinking about your future, about your partner’s feelings and thoughts, about your own feelings, about that look your partner gave you, etc. Stop it. Okay? Breathe. Calm down. Focus on your breathing and relax. Enjoy this tranquility.

4. Talk. Converse with your partner more often. When you talk, it’s difficult to think about something that is not related to a current conversation. Listen to your partner, be present at the moment.

How to stop over analyzing

If you are an over-thinker, you should do something about it immediately, because overthinking is probably deteriorating your life.

Learn to be in the moment. This is the main advice, so don’t be surprised that you come across it several times in the article. over analyzing things Pondering over what already happened or is about to happen, making long-term plans in your head and get distracted from your ongoing tasks – all this is indicative of your inability to be in the moment. Instead of fantasizing about the future or drowning in the fears of the past, focus on what is going on now.

Avoid recurring thoughts. Thinking too much often equals to thinking about one and the same thing. If you have anxiety disorder or have been under stress for a long time, you tend to replay the same anxious thoughts in your head over and over, in a perpetual circle. If you had some negative experience, for example, a date that went not the way you planned, or some recent conflict in your family. Reproducing those situations in your head will do you nothing good. First of all, you’ll start corrupting and misinterpreting your interlocutor’s words and reactions. Secondly, being focused on the past, you’ll miss some important events and signals of the present. You should either forget your unsuccessful date or if you liked that person, ask her out again, and by her reaction you’ll understand what she thinks about you. Thirdly, substitute your thoughts with useful actions. Make your overanalyzing productive by creating a scenario of the worst outcome and your possible solutions.

Realize the invertibility of decisions. Anxious thoughts and the habit to plan out each next move are often connected with an erroneous belief that we make irreversible decisions and are not in control of most situations. Really irreversible situations are very few. Other life situations, no matter how dramatic they may seem, are reparable. It’s up to you to make necessary changes. Usually, life gives something in return for what it takes from you. Breakups or divorces give way to new acquaintances and relationships. When you move to another city, you soon leave it for another one. Ask yourself this question: “Will I worry about this situation in 5 years?” Also, have a look at your life path – sooner or later even seemingly the most dead-end situations and hardships were overcome.

Realize that you can be in control of your life. You can’t control everything in this world, like stock market, political situation, the desires of other people, but you can have control over your relationships with close people. If you want to know how to stop overanalyzing, you should eliminate two extremes over-thinkers go to. One of them is taking excess responsibility, and the other one is declining all responsibility and waiting for the situation to be solved by itself. If you don’t like the city you live in, it won’t become empty if you move to another place. Your ex will not be alone forever – they will find a new partner. Your friends that became alienated will find a person that suits their current interests. You should realize that to think globally is not useful. Focus on what you personally can do to change your life and the life of people around you.

To get rid of the habit to overthink, practice some primitive meditation. Imagine that you sit at a roadside and watch the traffic aka your thoughts. Do not rush to participate in that chaos, but contemplate from a distance. If nothing works for you, seek professional help. A psychologist or psychotherapist will guide you through the process of how to stop overanalyzing.

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