The beginning of a life together is a special stage in a couple’s relationship. As practice shows, most women as soon as they settle with their loved ones, start taking care of them, spend days and nights together, cleaning up and so on. Men also carry out their responsibilities but still, something doesn’t feel right. How can one determine that the moment has come and it is time to move together? How long should you date before moving in together? In this article, we will try to determine it based on some rules of relationships.
Why You Should Not Rush Before Moving in Together
Unfortunately, no one can how long time you should spend as a couple before moving in together. It depends on the people because every guy and every girl is an individual. A big role here is played by your principles, aspirations, desires, and the reasons why you have started thinking about living together. Equally important is your attitude toward this new phase of relationships. Here is a list of points that explain why sometimes moving is too fast for you and what lies behind this decision. If, after reading them, you understand - yes, they care about me - then you should try to live together, if you are in doubt, then who knows, maybe you should not hurry with this new phase yet?
So, the first thesis - living together - is not a method to “tie” one partner to another but to obtain and save complete freedom together. Of course, the guy will not be able to surf single ladies dating sites, and the girl shouldn’t continue meeting other guys. You've considered all the pros and cons and decided that to live separately is boring, difficult, sad. And you will certainly be stronger together. In this case, it’s worth trying to establish a joint-life if you want to move only under the motto - mine will not disappear anywhere else - then there is no need to pack your suitcase. If one of you, during a joint living, feels a limitation in freedom, sooner or later, it will begin to worry them. In most cases, such a living ends in a breakup. In this case, moving in together too soon will lead to it.
The second thesis - living together is not a long romantic date and not an eternal holiday. In any situation when you are in a bad mood, tired, lazy, do stupid things, you will not be able to wear a mask of a prince or princess. If it seems to you that they will certainly change when you start living together, then this is a stupid mistake.
It’s worth starting to live together if both of you can live alone, but at the same time, you may want to live together to solve your financial, domestic and material problems in this way. In fact, few women who decide to start living with a man because he has an apartment, or a bank account are happy. You cannot get something from your soulmate without remaining obliged.
Another thesis is - you are not afraid of the thought that you will accidentally need to move back (expensive, nowhere, difficult, you need to transport a lot of things, and so on). As practice shows, a life together is not often happy and long if it begins during studying, for example in a campus dormitory: it seems that you are together, but either both, or one does not consider the house of partner to be their common home, and their partner is not a loved one to them but someone like a neighbor.
Before accepting all these points, you can "mature" in a month, one and a half, two. And you may not realize at all, as they say, everything is individual. Moreover, you can start moving in together after 3 months, disagreeing with such a vision, and after a while, come to such facilities, intuitively, living under one roof.
Important Things to Consider Before Moving in Together
Couple moving in together face different problems if they haven't discussed everything in advance. You should take the time to talk through all the aspects you find important. Do not rely on the future and think that you will decide on the spot. It is a serious and mature approach to visit the home of your partner before moving in together so that you see how another person is living and what their habits are. Then discuss the issues presented below to avoid bigger problems later. Tips for couples moving in together to mind in advance.
Privacy issues
“Who can I invite to visit? Where can I put this or those? Can I sit on that chair in your private cabinet?” For some, guests in the house are the norm, for others, it is almost death. Can you come to terms with the crowd of drunk strangers watching football on your white couch? Is your partner ready to dine with your parents every Saturday? The level of hospitality can be slightly adjusted, but expectations need to be discussed on the beach so that there are no surprises. "How are we going to quarrel?" It also has to deal mainly with private space. Even in the most ideal relationships, there are some quarrels. 
Both of you should want to finish them: the search for compromise and tact will be most welcome. If you are used to leaving, loudly slamming the door, then when living together, this is not so easy to do. Set the rules that are comfortable for you, which will help reduce the degree of tension: for example, you are calmed by a hug or you must make peace on the same day that the conflict occurred.
Tiny everyday issues may provoke fights
Do not turn a blind eye to imperfections. These can be both minor and very serious problems. Snoring can be an obvious reason for a breakup. But drug abuse can go unnoticed until you find yourself in the same territory. The point here is how well you know each other.
In some cases, a few conversations are enough to answer questions such as:
- Can you take a shower together or prefer to retreat while taking care of yourself?
- How will our work schedules match?
- Who will be responsible for the bills?
- What weaknesses does your lover have?
- Are you ready to work on these issues?
- Try to look at yourself from the other side and decide what concessions and changes you are ready to make in yourself.
You will have to share your household duties
Don't put all the housework on just one person. This mistake is made by many couples. As a rule, the mountain of dishes is washed by the one who first becomes sick at the sight of it. This is unfair, but it is very easy to get stuck in such unbalanced scenarios of living together. Before moving in, discuss equality in the household field. Questions to ask before moving in together:
- Who will take out the trash?
- Who is washing the dishes? (Often, this is someone who does not cook.)
- Who is fixing the closet when it starts to creak?
All these tasks have nothing to do with what gender you are or who makes more money. It is better if it is done by someone who is less busy. In an extreme case, if none of you wants to do the cleaning, you can order cleaning services by writing this expense into the general budget and never swear because of dust.
You may feel bored and will have to cope with it
You should come up with something to do in the evening then. It’s also worth to agree on this “on the shore”: cinema or shopping, joint TV shows on the couch, a book in a chair, or broadcasting a match under the cries of “Come on!” It’s important to understand your habits and real plans, if necessary, find a compromise and build an optimal schedule that takes into account the interests of both. Another moving in together advice: you can and should hang out with friends separately from time to time.
And how to celebrate the holidays? Of course, in the first days, every moment spent together is already a grand event for you. But its number will increase over time: birthdays and weddings of friends, corporate and friendly parties. Living together is a dance for two, so make sure that you manage to maintain a single rhythm, especially when you perform in public.
You have to plan everything
It is worth sorting out all your belongings before moving to a shared apartment, where there may not be enough space for everything. Clean up and decide what things matter to you. Leave space for new things that you will acquire with the love of your life. One of the tips for moving in together is to divide things into four categories:
- Save;
- To sell;
- Give;
- Throw it away.
Save the clothes that you wore over the past year and the necessary elements of decor that you do not plan to buy in the future. Sell something that has value but has become redundant for you. Sell clothes and shoes that you don’t wear for a long time, books and everything that is not worth the strength. Resolutely take everything else to the trash.
Moving in Together: Quiz for Couples
This is the quiz consisting of 6 questions to answer yourself before starting your joint life under one roof. If you get more than 4 "yes, that is definitely about us" and the rest you can tolerate or somehow solve – the time has come.
You love this person
This is probably the most important sign that it is time to start living with your loved one. If you do not love this person, but they love you, explain to your partner that you are not ready for such a step. If you both share feelings for each other, be sincere and talk about it. If people love each other, the little details that bother you are unlikely to become important.
You have joint plans for the future
Do not start a life together with a person unless you can imagine your future with them. If the wedding and family or just to be together is not planned in the future, do not rush to get together. The gap during cohabitation is a very difficult and emotional situation. Even more emotional than the usual breakup. That is why moving in together before marriage can be risky.
You spend practically every night together
When you spend every evening with your beloved one and stay overnight with them, it means that it is time to think about living together. The amount of time you spend together is an indicator of whether you are ready to live together. Go from constant travels and start looking for a shared bed.
You can afford it financially
When searching for an apartment, make sure that you do not overstep your financial capabilities. We are sure that any man will be happy to take care of his beloved one and pay for the apartment, which is very nice, but in many cases, there is a feeling of resentment. Divide the price for an apartment 50/50 or 70/30, in any case, it is very important that a woman also invests her share.
You do not use the person as your lifebuoy
This point of moving in together quiz refers to the previous one. You should not use a person if you have financial problems. It is unfair to them. Sometimes this idea warms, but in fact, you will respect yourself more if you provide for yourself and will not live with a person for the sake of money. It may also be on the opposite. Do not become a savior for a person. Do not let anyone get a free ride just because everything in your life is good.
You know everything about each other
Relationships are like traveling. It takes time to get to know another person. Before you start living together, make sure that you know absolutely everything about each other. You do not want to find a skeleton in the closet when you have already decided to live together.
Tips for Couples Moving in Together
The longer you meet, the more likely you are to finally decide to live together. For many people, deciding on this crucial step is not easy, and this is understandable: so many things will change in your life in particular and in your relationships in general. We suggest you this moving in together checklist with tips to realize and implement into your new common life.
Mind the budget
- Who will keep track of utility bills?
- And who will pay for them?
- Who will pay for an apartment or make mortgage payments?
- How will you spend money on joint purchases?
- Who will summarize at the end of the month?
- Will you start a general account?
- What part of the budget will you spend on optional items?
Such as dinners in cafes, alcohol and ordering food at home. Someone will gladly eat pizza 6 days a week, while for another one, it will be a waste of money. Find a compromise. For example, during the working week, you have dinner at home, and on weekends, you get out somewhere to take a break from cooking.
What expenses are significant for you? For example, on clothes, furniture, and gadgets, beauty salons, concerts, films, travel. For several years of cohabitation, they, in general, will be decided on their own, but it’s better to discuss them at least partially so that there is no discontent or misunderstanding on the part of one of you.
Help each other
Questions about the distribution of household chores will help avoid your relationship from turning into a routine. It is better to immediately discuss activities around the house: who doesn't object to taking up vacuuming or washing?
Perhaps, you will realize that your partner does not want to participate in the household, and you can decide whether you are ready to go for it.
Learn to give space
You are always there. Now you will not have problems when you are so tired after a working day that you no longer have the strength to date and meet. Your partner will always be there, and there will be room for love, annoyance, a reverent attitude, and resentment. This should not be scared to death, you just need to learn to limit your personal space, if there is a need.
In living together, your tolerance and level of temper will be tested, there will be many reasons for minor quarrels. But good habits should be built from the very beginning - both of you will learn to smooth out conflicts and compromise. Have quality time. Come up with a tradition. Find out what is important for you, from daily rituals to religious traditions. Someone believes that breakfast must be consumed together. And someone believes that February 14 is a stupid holiday. Suddenly it turns out that for your partner, a kiss before leaving for work is the key to a good mood for the whole day! And it will not cost you anything at all.
Maintain intimacy
You were only glad that now there would be no obstacles in front of you: you are together every night! Alas, on this many couples begin to face the fading of passion. So that sex does not turn into “fulfillment of duty,” of course, you do not need to make a schedule. But it makes sense to discuss the attitude to this side of your life: for example, how often will you go on dates, do you have any restrictions that you will never go to? The use of sex toys and fantasies, the implementation of which you will certainly expect in the future, would be nice to talk in advance. Otherwise, you both run the risk of encountering problems: possible frustrations or routine.
Do not rush if you decide to live together for convenience: for example, the apartment or your partner is closer to work, or you decide to split the rent for two, or maybe someone is tired of going on dates through the whole city. This means that serious plans about moving in together have not yet been made. The creation of common life is a new level in relationships, to which both should be prepared equally. The seriousness of the relationship will be indicated by a desire to enjoy each other’s company and a test of feelings or a specific discussion of wedding plans, before which you decide to live together.