Usually, people don’t live in perfect harmony after a breakup and reuniting. A cup with a crack leaks, so why do you need this one when there are so many other wonderful cups around? It's time to start a new relationship, but first, you need to let go of the old, so as not to spoil anything. Regardless of how the relationship ends, you can't help but feel a little bit hurt. Even if you are still friends (who are you kidding?), you have resentment, anger, and irritation towards each other. You see, the relationship does not end without a reason. Everything ends when you two have failed, and you begin to reproach each other all the time. If the relationship has outlived, you scold each other that no one has done anything about it.
The relationship might be over because one of you has strongly messed up. Therefore, when two people try to stay friends when one partner has cheated on another one, they will not be able to be friends because you cannot treat normally the person who has deceived you. So, maybe it’s high time to find out how to let go of an ex-girlfriend and finally move on.
Why Can't I Get Over My Ex?
Perhaps you know a person who has experienced a breakup with their beloved one but has never recovered from it. Everyone has such an acquaintance. Maybe you are this acquaintance. It seems that you are thinking too much about the ex-partner, maybe you are even still in love with your ex. Even though the relationship is over, there is no chance of reconciliation, and communication has exhausted itself, the ex-lover still takes a special place in your heart. If you ask yourself, “Why do I still love my ex?” An obvious reluctance to let go of a person can mean that you are trying to retain the feeling of love and the ability to love. What are the other reasons why you don’t know how to let go of your ex?
Mix of feelings
Common sense tells you that you must clear your mind of thoughts about the ex and begin to live a full life. When your best feelings were deceived, you felt embarrassed and ashamed. Awkwardness happens because you keep thinking about this person, even though your relationship is over. And shame is there because you gave the best feelings to a person who did not appreciate it. All this aggravates the isolation to which you have come after the breakup. Your isolation is strongly influenced by friends and relatives who have already lost their patience to explain to you that life has not ended with this person. In the end, they expect you to survive this situation and be able to move on with their support.
Fictional image
The feeling of love for the ex can persist for a variety of reasons. Quite often, people perceive it as a desire for reunification. Sometimes this behavior is absolutely correct. But quite often people make a common mistake: they confuse a fictional image with an image of a real ex-lover.
The ability to distinguish a fictional image of a lover from a real one will help rethink your feelings for the ex. So, after the breakup, you felt pain, frustration, and angry at this person. At the same time, there was a place in your heart for love and compassion for that person.
Reflecting on the past positive experience with the ex-lover, you have the powerful motivation and imagined support, which you don’t want to lose. Some people admit that they imagine how ex-partners are proud of them when they perform some difficult tasks. In this case, the internal image of the ex is endowed with a special power that on the one hand, can help you overcome difficulties, but on the other hand, stops you from moving forward.
Unwillingness to lose love
There are people who like to recall all the pleasant moments associated with the ex, recreate them and enjoy this process. You can do that so often that you can convince yourself over time that they are real. And although this is just an inner image that you have created for yourself, in real life it has nothing to do with the person you have broken up. During their lives, people not only find love but also lose it. And if your unwillingness to lose love is very strong, then you can use such fictional images to maintain love within yourself and enrich your inner world. In this relationship, which you cannot let go of, you could find yourself, discover the best qualities and become the best version of yourself. You cannot understand that these pleasant moments in your heart are just sweet memories.
How to Let Go of an Ex?
Neither moving to another country, nor the official divorce, nor even new relationships are sometimes able to put an end to our past. It happens that everything is over for a long time, but we still continue to wait for something, monitoring the social networks of the exes, eliciting from mutual friends the secrets of their personal lives as well as reinforcing resentment with unpleasant memories.
And what if everything can be changed? What if it is possible to win the ex-partner back, rewrite the rules and correct the fatal mistake? Or vice versa, to make them fall in love with you, drive to a frenzy, and then slap in the face? Fantasies about revenge excite the body and thoughts about the cut wings warm the mind. And here you are losing the huge share of vital energy without even noticing it, going back to the past, savoring heart wounds, running with your list of complaints and being involved in dealing with an ex who won't let go. Is it time to stop and start living in the present? How to get out of this sticking on grievances without losing yourself? How to move on from an ex you still love? There are 5 effective tips on how to move on from an ex-girlfriend.
Strategy 1. Dealing with failed expectations
You have not only broken up, but you have also disappointed in all the representatives of the opposite sex. There were some expectations, common goals and pink dreams, but the girlfriend did not meet any of these expectations, she didn’t correspond to the “ideal” image in principle. How to get rid of anger and resentment? You should honestly look at everything that has happened to you. Why did you assign such an important mission to her? What are the root causes of dissatisfaction? Perhaps, in early childhood, parents could not give you something (love, attention, support), and you decided to shift this task to your partner? What would happen to your life if that need were already met? Could you start acting actively in this direction without shifting responsibility to anyone? And what can you do to become happy now? Answer these questions, and you will understand how to move on from an ex.
Strategy 2. Working with a sense of injustice
The feeling of injustice comes when something is illegally taken away from us. In a relationship, it can be time, money, material resources or emotions invested in a partner. Too much energy was given, but you remained unclaimed and with an empty wallet. What should you do? Is it necessary to recalculate all investments made in a partner and agree with the result that you are on a losing side? Nonetheless, how about years lived together?
After all, there were also positive moments, you received emotions, discovered new opportunities for yourself, grew up together, developed and became at least a little bit better. One cannot deny the accumulated experience, knowledge, and valuable memories. Maybe the difficulties have only hardened your character, making you who you are now, the better version of yourself? Is there anything you can be thankful for? And why are the lost resources really important to you? The honest answers may help you find out how to let go of your ex.
Strategy 3. Working with internal pain
You were hurt, your girlfriend betrayed trust, humiliated feelings, devalued your personality, and nothing can be done about it. The pain lives inside and prevents you from building a full life, you have closed yourself from the world, you do not want anything. You neither wait nor believe in anything. You can strike down this feeling only in one way, you should allow yourself to survive, cry, speak out, make it real.
How to let go of an ex? Do not run from the pain, do not devalue past relationships or yourself, just accept everything as it is and live the grudge to the end. You can write a letter for your ex-girlfriend and express in it everything that has tormented you so long from the inside. You can find a listener who allows you to cry without "wise advice" and "grandmother's instructions." And when the tears dry up, the words will end, and there will be no strength left for the emotions, then you should look for activities that will inspire you to return to life: your favorite hobby, creativity, sports, communication. The main thing is that you are filled with energy and want to go further. You know how to let go of an ex you still love.
Strategy 4. Working with guilt
We feel guilty when we destroy relationships for various reasons, for example, stupidity, boredom, dislike, revenge. Sometimes people choose different ways, their goals and views differ, and expectations need to be clarified. However, they continue to be manipulated by a sense of duty. What to do in this situation? How to move on from an ex?
It's time to understand that nobody is responsible for the thoughts or the feelings of other people. Their anger, failed expectations, and claims are not your problem, so you should stop thinking about others and put yourself in the first place. In this world, we are all responsible only for ourselves and our minor children, so you should immediately stop apologizing. Do you feel you have to return the favor? Do it, help financially. But if it is difficult to recoup the investment, the best way to say “thank you” is to use the benefit received.
Strategy 5. Dealing with the loss of life goals
Sometimes, together with a loved one, we lose a feeling of support and confidence in our own future. Your girlfriend could give significant financial or emotional support, be indispensable in everyday life. So, the feeling of stability disappears with your breakup as if you are losing the inner core, becoming lost, vulnerable, and you are losing ground. How to overcome this? Ask yourself, “How do I move on from my ex?”
First, you need to understand what exactly you have lost. Then, you need to restore your integrity and at least partially regain control over life. Go in for sports, throw away unnecessary junk from home, find a new interesting job you can cope with. This will help bring back a sense of control. Then you can expand the area of action, for example, develop the missing qualities in yourself and overcome fears. You are an adult and independent person, so act like an adult, not hiding behind the mask of a child. Very soon you will feel bliss on how great it is to be the master of your life.
The main thing is not to run away from the past, but to allow it to fill you with energy. Mistakes and experience make us stronger. Let go of your fears and move ahead!