This is a wonderful and exciting moment when a new person appears in your life. First, there are accidental meetings, then – deliberately arranged; jokes and late messages. It sounds like the beginning of a beautiful love story. But there is one problem: you already have a partner. A new person is just a friend to you. You know what the word “friend” means. But it seems to you that if there is no sex, then there is no cheating.
Disputes about whether it is possible to consider emotional cheating as a full-fledged infidelity can be conducted endlessly. Moreover, there is no right and wrong here because people have different boundaries: someone doesn’t consider sex in a condom as cheating, someone – sex in another city, someone – a fleeting meeting with an ex-lover. However, how to react to emotional cheating? And how to deal with emotional cheating?
What is emotional cheating?
Emotional cheating is an intense, mostly emotional, non-sexual relationship that weakens the emotional connection of at least one person in a couple – this is how emotional cheating defined. People involved in emotional infidelity don’t find each other attractive. But it is not always so. It often happens that one of the partners is erotically interested in another. There are also cases when partners prefer to limit themselves to friendship because they believe that sex will destroy this subtle relationship. But in the case when both partners find each other sexually attractive, the transition of emotional cheating to adultery is possible.
As a rule, the situation of emotional cheating arises between colleagues or old friends. It all begins quite innocently: constant communication (including Skype and phone conversations), people get to work together and have lunch. Gradually, their communication begins to pass outside of working hours. Over time, this communication, albeit innocent, goes to a new, more intimate level. At the same time, people are extremely reluctant to talk about this topic with strangers, but constantly involuntarily mention their “friends” in different situations.
This all comes to the point that people begin to hide their “friendly” communication from their partners as they begin to realize that they mention these friends too often. It is understood that their communication needs to be somehow limited, which is extremely difficult to do. After that, people begin to calm themselves that nothing extraordinary happens because, after all, they are just friends and there was nothing between them.
Why do people cheat emotionally?
- Such a connection is emotionally fuller and easier.
- One of the partners feels hopeless about the opportunity to change a relationship.
- One of the partners tries to compensate needs and desires not realized in a relationship.
Emotional cheating vs friendship
So, cheating can be not only physical but also emotional. And if you don’t see anything wrong that your loved one has close friends of the opposite sex, then be aware that a friendship between a man and a woman will eventually transform into something bigger. According to statistics, emotional cheating in a relationship is becoming more and more common thing. About 45 percent of men and 35 percent of women admitted that they have such a “friend”. Unlike standard cheating with sex, hugs, dates, and kisses, there is no physical contact in emotional cheating... for some period. And yet it is very destructive for a relationship.
Emotional cheating is possible with an ex or a colleague. At some stage, you begin to hide your communication with a so-called “friend” from your own permanent partner. You realize that you mention a name of a “lover” a lot and you think about her even more. And, you know that it’s worth cutting off communication but you don’t want to do it at all. And you begin to calm yourself with thoughts like: “What’s wrong? We are friends!”
But some things are created only for two people. There is no doubt that romantic relationships fall under this category. If you or your partner have close friends of the opposite sex, your relationship can be compared to a two-wheeled bicycle, to which the third wheel is attached. Your platonic relations on the side can ruin a balance. You don’t notice this but your friend hopes that you leave your girlfriend sooner or later. Friend’s confidence is kindled every time you complain about your partner or ask for advice. At this stage, this “friendship” can’t be considered cheating, but you are on a slippery slope.
Here are some indicators that your “friendship” is almost emotional cheating:
- You talk about all the events in your own life with your “friend”, not a girlfriend.
- Throughout your meetings, you feel guilty, but you don’t know why.
- You hide your meetings with a “friend” from your girlfriend.
- You and your girlfriend are moving away more and more.
Signs of emotional cheating
If you suspect your woman of cheating but she assures you that she doesn’t do it, maybe she forgets about emotional cheating. And here are the signs of emotional cheating in a relationship:
1. You feel that you are the only initiator in your relationship
If only you make efforts in your relationships and try to develop them but your woman doesn’t take any part in it, maybe her thoughts and feelings are devoted to another man. It is worth worrying if a woman has lost sexual interest in you and she has become indifferent to your feelings and needs.
2. She has an increased protective reaction
Symptoms of emotional cheating are similar to physical symptoms. For example, a person begins to speak more vaguely about what he or she did, takes a defensive position, gets irritated when asked questions, especially about spending time with an alleged lover.
3. You spend less time together
With emotional cheating, the attention of your partner is not focused on you but on another person. A woman feels some guilt for this and wants to be with you less often. And when you are together, she closes in herself. Maybe she even tries to avoid meeting you.
4. She is online all the time and hides it
This is one of the most obvious emotional cheating signs. In the modern world, emotional cheating often occurs online, through correspondence, flirting via messages, sharing photos, etc. All this is kept in secret from a partner. A person can share personal information about you and your relationship with someone else that brings them closer. So, if your woman is on the Internet all the time and doesn’t tell you what exactly she does there, maybe she emotionally cheats on you with another man.
5. Your intuition tells you that something is wrong
Unfortunately, it is impossible to know about emotional cheating until you find 100% proof. Therefore, listen to your inner sensations. You know better than others when something is wrong and your partner behaves differently.
How to get over emotional cheating
Cheating in relationships is accompanied by very strong and painful experiences. There is the atmosphere of disappointment, resentment, and pain in a couple. Unjustified hopes and undermined confidence becomes a huge obstacle to further interaction. A person, who learns that he or she is being cheated on, feels broken. Pain, fear, and confusion are replaced by jealousy and anger. In this situation, it is difficult to orient and make any decisions. Pain and powerlessness obscure consciousness. But if you want to save a relationship, you should stay strong and try to overcome this situation. And here is how to get over emotional cheating:
1. Stop blaming yourself
Most men who learned about infidelity blame themselves for what happened. This is a misconception. Even if a man is far from ideal, lies on the couch all day long, and pays too little attention to his woman, it is still not his fault. Infidelity is a deliberate choice of a woman, due to the nature of her character and personal preferences. It is wrong to lay the responsibility for other people’s actions on your shoulders as well as blame a woman for everything. It is necessary to get rid of burdensome thoughts and stop pounding yourself into a psychological pit in the difficult search for a guilty one.
2. Take a pause
Don’t rush dealing with emotional cheating. People make many mistakes in the heat of passion. Give yourself time to calm down and bring your feelings in order. Stay alone with your thoughts and think about whether you want to forgive your girlfriend. It is worth noting that forgiveness is necessary for you. Unforgiveness is a poison for the soul and it is not only humiliating but also extremely harmful. It doesn’t matter what decision is made, the main thing is to return the emotional balance. Subsequently, you will have to return to important questions more than once. But by that time, time will pass, feelings will cool down, the pain will subside and you will look at the situation from a different angle.
3. Don’t avoid talking to your woman
You should know how to forgive emotional cheating. Talk to your woman and find out the motives for her behavior. As a rule, women don’t dare to adultery because of sports interest. They don’t cheat just like that. Most likely, your woman was pushed to this act by mental torment and emotional dissatisfaction. Try to pacify your anger and ask her to tell you about the reasons for emotional cheating. It is necessary to have a frank conversation. But you can’t turn a conversation into a quarrel. If the atmosphere becomes heated, you should stop and postpone a conversation for some time. Psychologists believe that 3-4 conversations are needed to resolve the situation with cheating, and the time necessary to forget it is 2-3 years. Therefore, men who want to save relationships should be patient.
4. Changing your woman, change yourself
Take a step towards your woman, change your behavior and clear your mind. Psychologically, women are arranged in such a way that they change the soul first and only then the body. Opening to another man, a woman gets out of the control of her boyfriend and gets completely focused with her mind and consciousness on a lover. A man should try to understand and feel his woman. Getting over emotional cheating, it is important to open your feelings and show your woman that she is still desirable and loved.
5. Imagine your life without a loved one
How to get over emotional cheating? Imagine that your loved woman doesn’t live with you anymore and common joys and trivialities disappeared. Imagine what hurts more: a blow to the man’s vanity or the loss of a loved one. Psychologists say that it is easier for men to survive the insult and pain than to break up with their loved ones forever. But don’t persuade a woman, don’t ask her to return. She should love you and not have the feeling of pity.