Each person imagines an ideal relationship in own way. But all people agree on one thing: they want harmony, security, happiness, and mutual understanding. A serious issue that can destroy even the strongest romantic feelings is insecurity. This disturbing feeling brings harm to both partners and prevents loving couples from building strong and lasting relationships.
Why does this feeling appear? What are the signs you are feeling insecure? How to be less insecure in a romantic relationship? Let’s see into the matter!
Feeling Insecure in a Relationship: How Does It Appear?
What does insecure mean? Insecure man in a relationship means someone who is not confident enough in current relationships and has certain doubts about it. Have you ever wondered, “Why am I so insecure in my relationship?” If the answer is yes, this information will be useful to you. To begin with, we should deal with the causes of insecurity in a relationship. It will help you prevent this feeling from happening in the future, especially if you are already moving in together. So why does feeling insecure arise in a relationship? There are several reasons.
Firstly, it is a life experience. It inevitably affects how the relationship of a person will develop in the present and future. People often refer to their difficult life which forced them, as they say, to become incredulous and doubtful. If someone has a great negative experience in communicating with people – this person is afraid to believe, trust, fall in love, and build relationships with other people. The fear caused by certain negative experiences in the past poisons people's lives and does not allow them to look to the future with optimism as it constantly reminds of what happened to them in the past so that they can protect themselves from such a threat in the future.
Secondly, this is a betrayal that has already taken place in your relationships. It is one thing when you came across a betrayal in the past, and it was connected with another person – this can still be overcome. But it is totally another thing if your current partner has already betrayed you. You will not forget this experience while you live with this person. In this case, feeling insecure and the fear of betrayal will be absolutely justified. There’s even nothing to comment on if a beloved betrayed you once, that means this person is capable of it, and so your loved one can betray you a second time. If it happens and you face betrayal again, it is better to break-up the relationship and look for a loved one on single ladies dating sites.
Thirdly, people may feel insecure in a relationship because of their own inner problems, complexes, fears, real or imaginary shortcomings, and also because of the feeling of being unloved, disrespected, and depreciated. In general, people’s weaknesses make them afraid of all kinds of threats, including the threat of betrayal. That is, a person experiences feeling insecure in a relationship for no reason.
Main Signs You Feel Insecure in a Relationship
If you are prone to stress and constant doubt, then any relationship can make you feel vulnerable and emotionally unstable. But how to recognize that you experience the feeling of insecurity? Let's consider the main signs of feeling insecure in a relationship.
1. Constant jealousy
Past negative experiences or fear of loneliness should not poison present relationships. Ask yourself, “Are there reasons for jealousy in reality or only in your imagination?” Being jealous all the time, you run the risk of losing a loved one not because of anyone else but because of you. After all, no one can stand endless distrust and the need to constantly reassure love for a partner. If you are trying to convince everyone around (and first of all yourself) that your relationship is wonderful and strong, but constant doubts and fears literally eat you from the inside, then this is a sure sign of feeling insecure.
2. Control and distrust
If you constantly control a partner without leaving your beloved any personal space, this is one of the signs of insecurity in a relationship. Control and distrust tend to cause quarrels, resentment, and annoyance. And these negative emotions never contribute to happiness and harmony in relationships.
3. Anxiety
The next sign of feeling insecure in a romantic relationship is anxiety, nervousness, and a premonition of something bad that is often felt even physically. Therefore, when dealing with a loved one who you do not trust enough, you may experience tenseness, fast heartbeat, anger, stomach discomfort, and even disgust.
4. Unbalanced “bestowing” relationships
A healthy relationship implies that both partners can give and receive love, care, and support of each other in equal measure. Being a “giver,” you remain protected from vulnerability to another person. You can lend a sympathetic ear, support, and take care of your loved one, but at the same time, you refrain from receiving all of this from the beloved. This is exactly what can be considered a sign of feeling insecure in a relationship.
5. Communication tenseness
If you feel tension, discomposure, or anxiety in communication with a loved one, this suggests that you need to get a sense of your emotions and feelings. After all, the tension in communication with the beloved person is often caused by the feeling of insecurity in your relationship that prevents loving couples from enjoying each other's company to the fullest.
Does This Feeling Always Lead to a Breakdown?
The feeling of insecurity entails the excruciating existence of the couple: there are mutual reproaches, interrogations, guilt, constant control of a partner, and the nasty feeling that your loved one is deceiving you and hiding something. And this is even not the whole list of negative consequences of feeling insecure. But can this feeling lead to a breakdown?
Building a romantic relationship is a tricky and effortful process. Of course, all loving couples face quarrels and misunderstandings from time to time. Crisis-free development of love relationships is impossible, and not all problems lead to a break-up. If you understand that you appreciate current relationships, you should learn to listen and hear your partner and discuss all the problems with each other. The dialogue is important, and it is not about an exchange of accusations and phrases in defense of your interests, but cooperation, patience, and willingness to change something in your life so that both of you two feel comfortable. And thus, you can not only avoid break-up but even strengthen your romantic relationship.
How to Stop Feeling Insecure in Relationships
As they say, "Change yourself and everything around will change." If a loved one is dear to you, it means that not all is lost yet, and you still have a chance to get rid of the feeling of insecurity and make your relationship more harmonious and happier. But you should start with yourself. Therefore, we’d like to present to your attention 5 useful tips on how to stop being insecure in a relationship.
1. Identify the problem
What is your feeling of insecurity connected with? Negative life experiences, personal problems, own ability to betray or enjoy pleasure from suffering? It is important to bring the issue to the head and give yourself an honest answer. If it is all about the habit of living in a state of chronically offended, humiliated, and disliked person, you need to reconsider your views on own personality and life in general.
2. Do not judge current relationships by previous
Remember how you were unfair to a new acquaintance just because this person reminded you of someone who had mistreated you in the past. Such things can happen in a relationship when, due to some kind of traumatic experience, people go into the shell and defend themselves from everyone who approaches them. If you transfer the patterns from failed past relationships to the current ones, you just create another failed relationship. Therefore, if you suspect that you have unfairly compared the present relationship with the past, do the following. Reflect on all the negativity of the former relationship, and then think about how your current relationship differs. This simple exercise will help you let go of the past and remind you that former adversities do not cast a long shadow on existing opportunities to live happily.
3. Do not multiply non-existent problems
Creating a problem in your head and then believing in it are faithful companions of self-sabotage. A lot of people are so obsessed with disturbing predictions of the future and negative thinking that they live in anticipation of the worst-case scenarios. You should tell yourself, “The problem I'm worried about exists only in my head.” The ability to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening is an important step towards getting rid of feeling insecure.
4. Learn to interpret the actions of a partner correctly
Before starting to suspect a loved one in something awful, guided by past heartbreaking experiences, you should understand the causes of what is happening. To interpret the actions of a partner correctly, you should think over all the possible reasons why your beloved can behave so. For example, do not think that the loved one is cheating you if your partner turned off the phone. Do not be beforehand in your conclusions.
5. Increase self-esteem
You should not gamble with happy relationships because of complexes, fears, and low self-esteem. No loving person will be able to withstand constant suspicions and partner’s nagging due to the imaginary shortcomings. To increase self-esteem, you should contact a psychologist or sign up for any course on self-development. It is important to remember that there are no people with a perfect psyche or appearance. But not everyone is obsessed with the shortcomings, many people convert them into strengths. You can work on yourself and you will definitely notice how your romantic relationship improves!
Final Thoughts
Fears, guilt, complexes, lack of self-sufficiency, rueful feelings of breaking-up the former relationships – whatever emotions and feelings served as a trigger for a feeling of insecurity, it is important to remember that they will never fill romantic relationships with joy and happiness. So, use the above-mentioned tips on how to stop feeling insecure and let your relationship be strong and happy!