The fear of being abandoned and left out without support is familiar to many people in a varying degree. But in some people, it takes the form of phobia, overmasters their whole life, and even requires the advice of professionals. This is about abandonment issues in relationships. What it is? What are the signs of abandonment issues? And how to date a person with such a problem?
What Are Abandonment Issues?
Abandonment issues are a type of anxiety based on an irrational fear of entering into close relationships with other people. Also, it can be described as a desire to avoid intimacy. It is important to know how abandonment issues affect relationships. A person with such a disturbance considers that any relationship – love or friendship – carries the risk of being abandoned and, as a result, being lonely (which is especially frightening). As a rule, people with abandonment issues have one of the following behavior patterns.
The first is about a relationship in which a person suffers from constant insecurity and fear that all this romance is about to end. Such an attitude to life does not allow a person to be happy and often becomes the cause of neurosis. The fear of being abandoned is so great that a person does everything (often contrary to their nature and principles) so as not to lose a significant other. They try to constantly confirm their love and meet the expectations of the beloved one. In the end, it takes the form of an obsession that becomes the cause of a break-up.
The second pattern is avoiding close relationships with other people. A person with abandonment issues does not want to start a relationship, presupposing that they don't have a ghost of a chance to be happy. They protect themselves from loneliness, and at the same time, do not want to be abandoned.
Abandonment issues come from childhood. Psychologists say that the life of a person, including their relationship with close people, is often built according to certain scenarios, which are formed from early childhood in the period from 3 to 8 years. It is at this age that a child is most susceptible to the ongoing events and takes them for the gospel in the ensuing years.
Attachment in the relationship of adults is developed in childhood in the form of creating a life scenario, which subsequently extends for the rest of life. Romantic relationship with a partner depends on the emotions, care, and attention that a child receives from parents: they either build successful personal relationships or subconsciously try to avoid intimacy.
Abandonment issues appear if there were poor communication and insufficient emotional contact between child and parents, and it could result in anxiety, crying, and even hysterics. Consequently, such a person develops abandonment issues and often reproaches a loved one, “You don't love me,” “I am just a mere circumstance for you,” “You are going to leave me,” etc. On the one hand, a person with abandonment issues wants to rush into a relationship and be loved. On the other hand, they are constantly afraid of being abandoned and keep people at arm's length. The reason lies in the lack of evidence of parental love in childhood that was transferred to adulthood in the form of the same fear of being unnecessary and abandoned.
Another reason for such anxiety is the experience of abandonment in the past. For example, it may be driven by the divorce of parents, the loss of one of them, or the severe break-up of romantic relationships. Also, abandonment issues may be caused by a natural character trait or personality disorder. The disposition toward loneliness can be congenital or inherited from parents.
At first glance, a person with abandonment issues may seem calm, poised, and happy, but this is far from being the case. The fear of being abandoned is hidden very deeply and seeming indifference towards all and everything is only an abient behavior. So, it is a challenging task to be involved in dating someone with abandonment issues.
Abandonment Issues in Relationships
In adulthood, the fear of being abandoned manifests itself in different ways. Some people disappear into themselves and avoid all kinds of relationships, others, on the contrary, manipulate loved ones, drawing their attention. People who are obsessed with the fear of being abandoned experience different emotions and believe in the false stereotypes created by themselves. There are 10 signs of abandonment issues in adults.
- A person is convinced that people around them love and respect only successful and beautiful personalities.
- People with abandonment issues do their best to please everyone.
- They are suspicious and distrustful. They interpret any attempt to accord courtesy as intent to use them for personal gain. They avoid long-lasting relationships.
- First of all, abandonment issues are related to a sense of uselessness. A person subconsciously waits for disappointment from the relationship and does not believe in the very prospect of being happy.
- The fear of being abandoned makes a person constantly seek help and support from loved ones, relatives, and acquaintances. Such people are confident in their inability to somehow influence the situation. They are afraid to make decisions and take responsibility.
- People with abandonment issues are stumped if they do not get the approval of their actions.
- Such a person constantly checks a relationship for strength. They require constant confirmation of love and resign their mind that break-up is inevitable. Such people are emotionally unstable.
- Anxiety does not allow setting serious tasks and striving for their implementation. On the contrary, it keeps a person out of the outside world and contributes to the development of feeling abandoned, social isolation, and mistrust. As a result, there is misunderstanding, alienation, and despair.
- A person who suffers from abandonment issues feels their own worthlessness and is afraid that a loved one will stop loving them if they do not fulfill the requirements and desires of the beloved.
- Low self-esteem is one of the most characteristic abandonment issues signs. A person simply does not feel capable of any significant achievements.
How to Help Someone with Abandonment Issues?
Dating a woman with abandonment issues is not an easy task. She tries to predict everything, worries for any reason, and always prepares for the worst. How to help a beloved woman to get rid of the abandonment issues? There are 7 effective tips about healing abandonment issues that you should consider overcoming the problem and strengthen the romantic relationship with a woman you love.
1. Search for information
Before you start helping your woman, learn the information on abandonment issues and find out what it means to your sweetheart. Also, it is worthwhile investigating what other people write about abandonment issues, how they describe their experience, and how to overcome abandonment issues. The more you know, the better support you can supply.
2. Lend a sympathetic ear to your woman
You should pay attention to this piece of advice if you want to know how to deal with abandonment issues. Sometimes it is difficult to understand why various events make a loved one experience anxiety, so try to lend a sympathetic ear to your woman and listen to her answers carefully. People with abandonment issues usually have a lot of thoughts and fears about being abandoned. An attentive listener can help their woman put her thoughts in order and feel calmer. Moreover, you will understand the feelings and emotions of your woman better.
3. Be patient
Many people with abandonment issues are prone to hasty conclusions that distort reality and cast events in a negative light. Because of these conclusions, a person begins to think that they are the cause of discontent and even anger on the part of a loved one. You should not show your disappointment and irritation when talking with your beloved one – instead, take the time to discuss the situation in a relaxed atmosphere and decide how you should act the next time your woman gets nervous.
4. Support your woman
Loving someone with abandonment issues requires some efforts. Everyone knows men are not strong in support and sentimental feelings. Do not worry, we are going to help you! Remember that you should not say a woman with abandonment issues phrases like, “Pull yourself together” and “Just take it easy.” Believe us, this is a really bad idea. When you feel sad, you just want sympathy and support from those around you. People with abandonment issues need it even more than anyone else. Remind your beloved woman that her fears and anxieties are irrational. Thus, she will be more confident in your relationship and be able to cope with abandonment issues better.
5. Do not be offended by her behavior
Remember that abandonment issues are not related to you, even if it seems that you have provoked them. In part, a cause of anxiety is related to the brain functions of your woman, and nothing can be done about it. But there are external factors that you can influence over. Help your woman get distracted, it will ease her anxiety. For example, offer your beloved to take a stroll or do her favorite thing.
6. Remind her of your love more often
Fear of being abandoned is a hindrance with unpredictable consequences. A woman with abandonment issues constantly needs confirmation of your love, she wants to feel desired and important. Jealousy and obsession caused by a sense of self-doubt can ruin your relationship. Therefore, do not forget to tell your beloved woman how much you love her and appreciate your relationship. It is the most useful tip on how to get over abandonment issues.
7. Seek help from a specialist
It is difficult to cope with abandonment issues without the help of specialists. The most effective method is psychotherapy. The therapy is usually long and requires a steady sequence of actions. But if your woman realizes and accepts her own problem, then the chance of success is very great. After the psychotherapy, your beloved one will be able to enrich your relationship, forgetting about all the previous concerns and anxieties.