You have probably already heard about codependent relationships, maybe, you even have such a relationship and believe that this is the best you deserve. It goes without saying that you are wrong because everyone deserves better. We all deserve to be happy the way we want unless it harms someone. So, forget about this terrible idea that your codependent relationship is the best you will ever have. I know, it may be hard, because people who are involved in codependent relationships have some sort of a habit that doesn't allow them to do something about their unhealthy relationships.
Are Codependent Relationships Really Unhealthy?
According to scientists and doctors, our emotions directly affect our physical health, so it is important to maintain a positive attitude if you want to be healthy and have a long life. But it is almost an impossible task if you are involved in a codependent relationship, because in this case, instead of receiving support from your partner, you will have pain and worries. Sometimes breaking codependent relationships is the only possible way out of this situation, but we will talk about this later.
Codependent Relationship Meaning
Everyone has heard about this phenomenon of human relationships, but a few of us can easily explain how they understand it. So, here is our definition of codependent relationships: in simple terms, this type of human romantic relationship appears when one person feels emotionally dependent on another one. This dependency may take various forms. Some of them are more harmful than others. But it is always better to avoid being codependent in relationships since this often leads to moral pain and suffering. Maybe you are already involved in narcissistic and codependent relationships, but how to know for sure?
To begin with, you need to analyze your relationship. Are you happy with your partner? Does your partner respect you? Have you ever cheated on your partner? Has he or she ever cheated on you? There are many other questions to ask yourself, but these are the most important. For example, you can clearly understand that you are in codependent romantic relationships if your partner has cheated on you, and you silently accepted this fact because you are afraid to lose him or her. Don't get me wrong here, it is normal to fear to lose your partner, but it is not normal when this fear dictates your actions. In normal relationships, couples can recover from cheating and other reasons, but it takes a lot of effort from both partners. Although, sometimes, instead of trying to glue your broken relationship, it is better to try luck on some single ladies' site. This is a very personal matter, and only you can decide whether you want to fight for your current relationship or not.
Codependent relationships never come alone and cause many other problems. The reason why those problems appear lies in the fact that the first partner will dominate, decreasing the self-esteem of the second one. To define codependent relationships, we can say that they are about blaming yourself for every problem that your romantic relationship may have, even if you are not the one to blame for this. Also, people who are involved in this type of relationship have a hard time recovering. This is why it is so important to know how to forget your ex, cause otherwise, you will be coming back to him or her again and again. So, can codependent relationships be fixed?
Of course, you can fix your unhealthy relationship, but before doing something about it, you need to understand that you deserve much better than what you currently have.
Why Such Relationships Are Toxic?
At the beginning of this article, we have already stated that codependent relationships are very harmful in both physical and emotional aspects. First of all, it is important to know that your partner may understand and abuse the fact that you are a codependent partner or may do that unconsciously. While in the second case, you can fix this problem relatively easily, by having a serious conversation with her, in the first case, it is always better to end the relationship. If your partner uses your codependent position against you, one day, you may even lose your will to change anything because codependency is very destructive. So, why codependent relationship recovery takes so much time?
You don't care about yourself
A codependent partner always puts the desires of his or her partner first. In healthy relationships, it is pretty normal when sometimes, people put their partners' desires above their ones, but this should be mutual. Otherwise one of the partners, sooner or later, won't have time for his or her own needs.
Hiding your emotions
You see, the codependent partner is not only forced to sacrifice his or her desires for the sake of their partner's wishes but also always hides their real emotions. The reason for that is in the fact that a codependent partner often hears only blames and insults instead of receiving support and help. Due to this fact, sooner or later, this person will have a pang of very big guilt, feeling as the main reason for all the problems that his or her partner has in life. Eventually, this guilt will become so big, so a codependent partner will fill guilty even for having emotions.
Your partner may use you
In every type of unhealthy romantic relationships, one partner always puts pressure on another one, especially if you fear loneliness. Because of that, your partner has a very mean to control or even use you the way he or she wants.
Signs of a Codependent Relationship
Sometimes even partners who live in codependent relationships may not understand the real root of evil in their lives. In this case, there is no way out from this situation until one or both of them understand the reason for their unhappiness. Unfortunately, in most cases, one partner realizes that he or she has power over another partner and uses it to his or her advantage. If this is the case of your relationship, and you are the codependent partner, you can rely only on yourself because your partner can easily hide the fact that you are in codependent relationships. Thus, even your best friends, may not be able to help you, until you realize all your problems yourself. So, what are the main signs of codependent relationships?
1. The lack of personal boundaries
In a codependent relationship, one partner usually can't defend his or her views and ideas. This happens because a codependent person fears to lose his or her partner and can't refuse him or her. On the other hand, this partner doesn't see the codependent one as a person at all.
2. Blurred responsibilities
Normally, both partners share their responsibilities. Thus, they both work on the improvement of their lives, and both are responsible for the positive and negative consequences of their actions. Needless to say that in codependent relationships, one partner bears all responsibilities for everything, while the second partner only blames and insults the first one without any reason.
3. The lack of communication
In normal relationships, partners easily communicate and have no problems with dishonesty. Yes, sometimes they have arguments, but those always end pretty fast because both of them respect each other. It goes without saying that in codependent relationships, partners always have problems with communication because only one of them has the right to express his or her thoughts.
4. You always hide your emotions
Ask yourself, can you freely express your real emotions to your partner? If you can't tell your partner about your anger, moral pain, and other emotions that every normal person sometimes has, it means that you are a codependent partner in a very unhealthy relationship. Remember, it is normal to express your real emotions and feelings to your partner.
5. You are uncomfortable with him or her
If you never feel comfortable when your partner is near you, it means that you have big problems in relationships. How can you possibly stay with someone for the rest of your life, if you hate being with him or her? This is one of the clearest signs of the codependent relationship, so make sure that you are going to do something about this problem because living in a cycle of oppression and moral pain is very hard.
6. You have a depression
Yes, many separate factors can cause depression, but in connection with other signs, your unbeatable depression may be a clear indicator of problems in your relationships. Try to analyze the real reasons behind your depression. Usually, a codependent partner is depressed because of his or her partner's actions. Remember, healthy relationships should always bring you joy and happiness.
How to Maintain Healthy Relationships and Eliminate Codependency
It is very hard to overestimate the real value of healthy relationships in our lives. Most of our time, we spend with our partners who directly affect our lives. This is why it is so important to avoid codependency and build a healthy relationship with your partner. Only in this case, you will be happy and have a high-quality life with your partner. Sad to say, but sometimes it is very easy to turn your relationship in the wrong way because even our smallest deeds are very important when it comes to love. So, here we are going to show you a small list of the most important rules to remember if you want to build or maintain a healthy relationship and eliminate codependency.
1. Unconditional love
Unconditional love is when you 100% give yourself to your partner and never expect anything in return. Yes, it is very hard to give such love to someone, but if you and your partner manage to do so, you will become a very happy couple. Don't worry, if developing such a relationship takes much time, the result is worth your efforts. So, enjoy your time together with your partner and value him or her as they are.
2. Learn to forgive
The ability to forgive is crucial for being successful in love. So, when you feel offended or angry, you should try to find the reason for this behavior and try to deal with it. It’s like counting to ten before you say something. If you need to throw out anger, you can always do it later. However, if you manage to get to the cause of this behavior, you will help a person understand the essence of what is happening, and you can tell him or her that their actions hurt you, it means that you have a healthy relationship.
3. Work on your boundaries
Earlier, we have already explained the importance of personal boundaries, and now the time has come for you to explain to your partner that personal boundaries and common “neutral territories” are integral parts of any healthy relationship. Respect the boundaries of your partner and never let them violate yours.
4. Don’t insult, but explain the reason
Building healthy relationships requires you to have a very important skill in transferring possible insults into explanations. In reality, this is way easier than we've made it sound. For example, if you are angry with your partner for not helping you with daily chores, never insult him or her by saying that they are lazy. Instead, say something like, "I am angry at you because you are not helping me with our daily chores!" Thus, you avoid insulting your partner, and at the same time, you send important bits of information to him or her on how to fix everything.
As you can see, codependent relationships are very dangerous and should be avoided at any cost. If you believe that you are a codependent partner, but you feel that you still love your partner and fear to lose him or her, you can try to talk to them. Pay attention to his or her reaction to be able to say whether they knew about this problem or not. If your partner never knew that this problem exists, it won't be that hard to fix it. But, if your partner knows about it, you will have two options. The first option is to try to fix your relationship. This will be possible only if your partner also truly wants to change and deal with codependency. Unfortunately, in some cases, people don't want to change anything and enjoy having a house slave. In this case, the only option is to leave your partner and begin the process of recovery from a codependent relationship.