You've probably heard a lot of awkward date stories. We all went through such an unpleasant feeling of awkwardness on the first date. Everything seems to be fine and lovely, except that the atmosphere is a bit tense. How can you change the situation for the better so that everyone feels more comfortable? We are going to tell you how not to be awkward on a first date.
Too Awkward to Date: Why It Happens
Awkwardness is the inability to withstand social pressure and fear that prevents one from being themselves. This is a constant inner concern, “What will people think about me?” However, it is always worth remembering that if you try to please all you will please none. It is absolutely normal to be as special as you are. After all, all people are different. Nowadays, quite a lot of people turn to psychologists with complaints about failed dates because of the awkwardness. They want to learn how not to be socially awkward. Why does awkwardness arise? There are two main reasons.
1. Self-esteem
Self-esteem is a very fragile thing. One can face failure several times, and the level of their self-esteem goes down. Suppose a girl who you really like refused you. Every next trouble aggravates the situation. And that's all. You no longer believe in your own attractiveness. You begin to get down on yourself and look for reasons why you are denied. You feel like an insecure loser who is not interesting to anyone. It must be remembered that the refusal of several girls is not doom. The more you try, the better result you will have. As soon as you realize it, your life will immediately become much easier. Do not make a big deal and fall into depression at the slightest failure. Believe in yourself!
2. Fear
People are often afraid of the first private acquaintance with a person with whom they previously communicated online. In general, the stage of preliminary dating on the Internet should be reduced as much as possible. Many people mistakenly think that a long correspondence on a dating site will save their time and energy. However, communication via the Internet will not give you the opportunity to get to know a person better. Most likely, it may result in the awkward Tinder date.
Another reason why you might feel awkward is the fear of making a mistake and doing something wrong. You think that you will look ridiculous in the eyes of a person you like, afraid to say something wrong or disgrace yourself. You are afraid that the other person will find you stupid or strange..jpg "awkward date")
There may be many reasons for fear. And it will be better for you if you immediately identify them and start working on it. Even if 10% of your fears come true, nothing terrible will happen, no one will die, and life will not stop. How to Avoid Awkward Silence on a Date
There are situations when silence occurs on a date and lasts a long time. If an awkward silence drags on, it may even disrupt your date. To avoid this, you need to remember a few tricks on how to be less awkward and break the uneasy silence. If you feel that the tension is growing, and you want to quickly run away from the awkward date, although you have a liking for the person, or if the conversation cannot turn from a formal to a more personal one, you should get to know several simple ways on how not to be awkward on a date.
1. Move
This trick is completely primitive, but, as you know, the genius lies in simplicity. Sitting opposite each other in a cafe, you send yourself a signal that you are “on opposite sides of the barricades,” you are opponents. That is why in psychotherapy, it is customary to take seats so that the psychologist and the client communicate with each other angle wise. There is an even better option for dating! In the summer, you can walk through the park, in the winter – visit some exhibition. It not only reduces the possibility of awkward moments but also gives rise to interesting discussions.
2. Speak your feelings aloud
An honest recognition of your feelings helps relieve tension on the awkward first date. If you feel awkward, then it’s best to openly admit it and say, “You know, I’m so confused that all the words have slipped out of mind.” Surely, you would like to have a sensitive and attentive partner who can notice your sadness even when you do not say anything, who can feel your anxiety on the eve of an important event and support you in the hour of need. If the interlocutor turns out to be such a person, they will appreciate your sincerity.
3. Ask questions
A keen interest in the interlocutor is the best tool for creating a pleasant atmosphere. Nothing is able to break the ice between people and open the way for rapprochement as questions about something personal. But do not overdo with intimacy – otherwise, you can ruin everything at one stroke. Ask the interlocutor about what they like, what things they enjoy, how they spend time, etc. It is important that the question should be about them, and not just about the "nature-weather." Thus, you seem to be an interesting interlocutor – after all, people like to talk about themselves very much. Also, you should ask such questions that do not imply a one-word answer – yes or no. After all, once there is a threat of an awkward pause, then the interlocutor, most likely, is also slightly confused. So, asking questions is the best way how not to be awkward.
4. Pay compliments
There is a common misconception that making compliments is the business of people in love. But this is far from the case. Everyone loves to hear compliments. So feel free to do it. It will show your liking and give confidence to the person next to you. You can open the way for a casual conversation, asking, “You've chosen such a delicious wine. How did you learn to understand this so well?” But make a compliment sincerely. If a person has chosen a real rubbish, and you praise this wine, then first, you can put them in an awkward situation (after all, they might not good at choosing wine), secondly, you will show that you have a bad taste, and third and foremost, you will set a false tone for the whole subsequent dialogue.
5. Do not overdo the showiness
Sometimes we are so afraid of not being at our best that we try too hard to look spectacular in the eyes of a new acquaintance. But do not forget that since you arranged a date, it means that the person has already got interested in you, and, most likely, they are more concerned with the impression they make on you. If you focus on how you look, whether you seem masculine enough, or whether your smile is not too weird, etc., you risk provoking an awkward dinner date and scaring a woman away. Do not immediately tell your potential partner about all your accomplishments and achievements. So that the date does not turn into a “trade deal,” do not behave like a product that is needed to be shown from the best sides as soon as possible. Reveal yourself gradually and drop the attitude. This will provide you with an easy and pleasant atmosphere of a romantic date.
6. Listen
Learn to listen and hear the topic of the conversation that is interesting to your interlocutor. If you are able to keep up such a topic, then the interlocutor will never stop talking, and the problem of awkward silence will not even appear. Ask as many questions as possible about the topic that you consider interesting to the other person. This is the most effective method not to bring the date to the dead center. This advice will be especially useful for guys as ladies adore when men listen to them.
7. Be yourself
However banal this phrase may sound, the main thing in any relationship is to be yourself. What is natural cannot be unattractive. Trying to conform to the ideal image, you initially condemn yourself either to a painful break-up, or difficult relationships that imply the need to constantly play the role of another person, and therefore, not to live your own life. By being yourself, without betraying your essence, you allow a person to see you as you are. It will not only make your dialogue more alive, open, and enjoyable but also give a chance to develop your relationship.
P.S. Although this article is written for those who want to know how to avoid awkward silence, it’s still worth mentioning that sometimes it’s better to keep silent than to talk. It is not for nothing that there is a proverb, “No wisdom like silence.”
Awkward First Date Questions
Going on a date, we naturally want to make a good impression on a person we like. But in order for everything to turn out well, you need to prepare for the meeting. On the first date, people communicate, trying to get to know each other better. If we are digging more into the process of communication, we can identify its main components: questions, answers, emotions, and neutral conversation.
Particular attention should be paid exactly to the questions, as they promote and direct the conversation. Awkward questions can put the interlocutor at a stand and pretty spoil their first impression. So, what questions should be avoided on the first date?
- How are things?
On the one hand, this question is quite innocuous. But on the other hand, it does not imply any development of the topic. It is usually asked for the sake of decency, but more often because of ignorance of how to start a conversation. This question is trivial and unoriginal. And the answer is always the same – “Things are okay.”
- Tell me something about yourself
Not everyone can boast of a stormy life and a bunch of hobbies. Even if there is something to tell, not everyone knows how to do it. This is a too direct and sharp question, sometimes it puts the interlocutor at a stand. Learn about the person in the process of conversation, and not with the help of such a banal question.
- Why did you break up with your ex?
You should never ask about past relationships on the first date! In fact, you should avoid this topic until your interlocutor touches on it (if it ever happens at all). A person may be offended or still have certain feelings for the ex. Therefore, never ask about such things, especially on the first date.
- How much do you earn?
You should not ask questions related to the material situation of the person immediately on the first date. It may seem to your interlocutor that you are self-interested and are more interested in money than in their personality, and this is unpleasant. It is even worse if a person believes that if they cannot offer you a luxurious apartment and an expensive car, then you simply reject them. To protect wounded vanity, they will think of you as an unworthy person and may wish to break the conversation. In short, leave money matters for later.
- What women (men) do you like?
If there is a date, then there is some sympathy on both sides. And the rest of the details remain to be seen. Why rush things? Anyway, a woman will never admit that she is going mad with muscular dark-haired men when there is a bald fatty next to her. A man is also unlikely to tell a brunette that he likes blond beauties.
- Well, where shall we go?
It is one of the most awkward questions to ask a girl. Men usually plan ahead where to go with the girl. Cafe, cinema and so on. But the stomach is not elastic, and the movie ends sooner or later. And the question still arises, "Where to go now?" It is better to ask such a question only in your mind. You can say aloud only interesting ideas. Moreover, it is better to forget questions like, “Will we go to my home?” Thus, you can only frighten the girl you like.
- Do you like me?
This question is too tactless and intimate, and it requires a direct answer that a person may not be ready to give. If your interlocutor really likes you, they will surely find a way to demonstrate it. If the woman has already realized that she does not intend to continue the relationship with you, she is unlikely to want to directly explain why she does not like you.
- Can I kiss you?
Yes, of course, let's do it for one-two-three. This is exactly the case when it is better not to say anything at all. Do not ask permission for a kiss. Therefore, men should be more hazardable in this matter. Just try to kiss a girl. But then do not make a scene if your attempt is rejected.